YOU...
X: You never quit.
Y: You never win.
Z: You're an idiot!
9.10.2011
8.21.2011
EXCHANGE GIFT
 |
| MANNY AND PARIS. Can we expect an indie film anytime soon? |
:: Paris Hilton, the world's richest and most famous indie film maker was in Manila to pay her friends, the Pacquiaos (that's Manny, Jinkee, and mommy Dionisia to you), a visit.
:: It was also a business trip as Paris appeared in her store openings (hehehe what a word, "openings") at the mall and discussed investment ventures with the Pacquiaos. Who cares? Believe me when I say you can not imagine the immensity of the fuck I don't give.
:: She lost her two iPhones. Again, who gives a fuck? Seriously.
:: They exchanged gifts.
>> World boxing champ Manny Pacquiao gave Paris a Manny Pacquiao Doll
Features:
1) Movable parts
2) Snap-on, stay-on parts
3) Made from high-grade, highly-durable, non-toxic, child-safe, idiot-proof plastic. So even if Paris decides to put the doll in some body orifice where the Sun don't shine... like her mouth, it's perfectly harmless.
>> Not to be outdone, the billionaire heiress also gave Manny her own doll. Introducing the all original, customs quarantine and BFAD-approved Paris Hilton Blow Me Up Doll. You can read the features off the box (hint: the doll comes complete with THREE TENDER LOVE OPENINGS)
awww... what a blossoming friendship these two megastars have.
7.19.2011
FORGET TUKKO, HERE'S A NEW MIRACLE DRUG FROM THE PHILIPPINES!
MEDICAL FACT:
The Philippine Government, specifically the medical and scientific communities sternly warn the public that there are no proven scientific studies that show the Philippine Gecko (Tukko) can cure diseases such as AIDS, asthma, cancer, tuberculosis and impotence.
ENVIRONMENTAL FACT:
Philippine environmental officials confirmed a significant drop in the Tukko population and has taken action to prevent locals from selling the lizard in local and international black markets. Prices of Tukko (300 grams and above) in local circles range from P10,000 to P500,000, while international transactions fetch a hefty sum of anywhere between P800,000 to as high as $19,000,000.
BUT WAIT! THERE'S A NEW SCIETIFIC BREAKTHROUGH!!!!
INTRODUCING THE NEW CURE-ALL MEDICINE THAT WILL.. UHM.. WELL, CURE ALL KNOWN AILMENTS AND DISEASES IN THE MODERN WORLD!!!!
INTRODUCING!!!!
THE PHILIPPINE KUKO!!!!
THE PHILIPPINE KUKO! Known as finger nail and toe nail clippings in English (because everything just sounds more credible when they are translated in English), is the new, revolutionary miracle drug that will change the face of the global medical and drug industry!!!
Each 100 grams of PHILIPPINE KUKO contains a special enzymes and nutrients that can cure diseases such as asthma, AIDS, cancer, halitosis, tonsillitis, gonorrhea, gall stones, dyspepsia, colic, and even common
cough and colds.
Boil 100 grams of PHILIPPINE KUKO to cure digestive and excretory system ailments including, but not limited to, ulcer, loose bowel movement, irritable bowel syndrome, and constipation!
Grind and sniff/ snort 100 grams of PHILIPPINE KUKO to cure all known respiratory system ailments!
Chew on PHILIPPINE KUKO to whiten teeth and strengthen gums! THE PHILIPPINE KUKO has also tested to effectively combat depression, and a such, a viable alternative for Zoloft and Prozac!
The PHILIPPINE KUKO can also cure sexually transmitted diseases! Just insert a tablespoonful of PHILIPPINE KUKO in affected/ infected areas and you will be cured in as fast as three hours! It is also a more potent cure for Erectile Dysfunction.
You can also make use of the PHILIPPINE KUKO as an effective exfoliant/ facial scrub for youthful, soft and fair-looking skin!
SO WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?! BUY PHILIPPINE KUKO NOW!!!
AVAILABLE IN ALL MERCURY DRUG,WATSON'S, 7-11, CINDY'S AND MANG INASAL OUTLETS NATIONWIDE!!!
THE PHILIPPINE KUKO. THE NEW CURE-ALL, MIRACLE DRUG FROM THE PHILIPPINES!!!!
7.09.2011
TODAY'S TOP 5: MY EXERCISE PROGRAM
If you ask me what the average life expectancy of Filipinos are nowadays, I'd probably say that they usually live... until they die. And not a day longer.
However, a more technical answer according to Index Mundi (http://www.indexmundi.com/philippines/life_expectancy_at_birth.html), the average Filipino is good for about 72 years. Impressive? Maybe not as it has been scientifically proven that we can still be outlived by a number of things such as Maling and Lucky Me noodles, which expire 150 years and 82 years, respectively, from the date of manufacture. Amazingly, this life expectancy figure increased from 69 years in the year 2003. Further proof that former President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo was (and still is) bad for the health of Filipinos.
Anyway, I've recently decided to join the "health-conscious" population of this country by embarking (and dedicating myself) on an exercise program that will improve not only my physique, but also my overall wellness.
***
5) STRETCHING
I usually do this every morning upon waking up (and it's still a medical anomaly why I wake up every morning). While still in bed, I stretch up and reach as far north as I can. Then I stretch my limbs laterally on both sides. Then I stretch down, with shoulders still pinned on the bed, and... scratch my balls and pototoy. That completes my stretching routine for the day.
4) BENDING
Done with extreme care, usually when I'm picking up something off the floor. Lower back bending: "Uy, syet Piso!" Neck bending: "Uy helicopter, oh!" Lower back bending with extreme balance: "Potek naman nabitawan ko nanaman yung sabon!" Lower back, knee, and ankle bending combo: "Ay syet tae!"
3) AB CRUNCHES
This is the most difficult routine in my exercise regimen. Which explains why I mostly do it twice a day only... when I tie and untie my shoelaces. To achieve maximum result, the key in this exercise is to tie your shoe laces as loosely as possible so you can repeat the ab crunches as much as you can during the day.
2) WORKING THE BICEPS
The most expensive exercise in my daily regimen. It requires a spoon and lots of food. Step 1: make an "L-shape" of your arm in front of your chest. Step 2: make your arms as stiff (especially your biceps) as possible. Step 3: pick up the spoon and proceed to scoop the food from your plate. Step 4: eat. Repeat this 350 times on each arm per meal per day and you will feel your biceps will certainly firm up and tone. Very important reminder: do not do this with your right arm only, you won't like the result after two months.
1) BREATHING EXERCISE
My breathing exercise is based on the oriental way of breathing which helps increase the "Chi" that will eventually strengthen your "Core." Step 1: light up a cigarette. Step 2: avoid normal "puffing" with your cigarette, instead inhale as deep as you can with as much smoke as you can. Step 3: hold smoke in your lungs for at least 10 seconds. Step 4: exhale slowly with smoke circles.
BONUS EXERCISE: THE SPRINT
Since running/ jogging is such a fad these days, I have managed to incorporate a cardio-vascular challenge in my exercise program. The challenge, however, is to not run, but sprint in 3 to 5 minute bursts. To do this, you can either throw pebbles and insults at your local neighborhood siga ("Huy, tangna mo! Bakit ikaw siga dito ha?! Suntukan na lang tayo o!!!) then sprint, or you can anger your local stray askal, then sprint again.
Do these exercises religiously and I guarantee you will live a healthier life. You may even live more than 72 years. Or at least live until President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo gets convicted on her plunder charges.
However, a more technical answer according to Index Mundi (http://www.indexmundi.com/philippines/life_expectancy_at_birth.html), the average Filipino is good for about 72 years. Impressive? Maybe not as it has been scientifically proven that we can still be outlived by a number of things such as Maling and Lucky Me noodles, which expire 150 years and 82 years, respectively, from the date of manufacture. Amazingly, this life expectancy figure increased from 69 years in the year 2003. Further proof that former President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo was (and still is) bad for the health of Filipinos.
Anyway, I've recently decided to join the "health-conscious" population of this country by embarking (and dedicating myself) on an exercise program that will improve not only my physique, but also my overall wellness.
***
5) STRETCHING
I usually do this every morning upon waking up (and it's still a medical anomaly why I wake up every morning). While still in bed, I stretch up and reach as far north as I can. Then I stretch my limbs laterally on both sides. Then I stretch down, with shoulders still pinned on the bed, and... scratch my balls and pototoy. That completes my stretching routine for the day.
4) BENDING
Done with extreme care, usually when I'm picking up something off the floor. Lower back bending: "Uy, syet Piso!" Neck bending: "Uy helicopter, oh!" Lower back bending with extreme balance: "Potek naman nabitawan ko nanaman yung sabon!" Lower back, knee, and ankle bending combo: "Ay syet tae!"
3) AB CRUNCHES
This is the most difficult routine in my exercise regimen. Which explains why I mostly do it twice a day only... when I tie and untie my shoelaces. To achieve maximum result, the key in this exercise is to tie your shoe laces as loosely as possible so you can repeat the ab crunches as much as you can during the day.
2) WORKING THE BICEPS
The most expensive exercise in my daily regimen. It requires a spoon and lots of food. Step 1: make an "L-shape" of your arm in front of your chest. Step 2: make your arms as stiff (especially your biceps) as possible. Step 3: pick up the spoon and proceed to scoop the food from your plate. Step 4: eat. Repeat this 350 times on each arm per meal per day and you will feel your biceps will certainly firm up and tone. Very important reminder: do not do this with your right arm only, you won't like the result after two months.
1) BREATHING EXERCISE
My breathing exercise is based on the oriental way of breathing which helps increase the "Chi" that will eventually strengthen your "Core." Step 1: light up a cigarette. Step 2: avoid normal "puffing" with your cigarette, instead inhale as deep as you can with as much smoke as you can. Step 3: hold smoke in your lungs for at least 10 seconds. Step 4: exhale slowly with smoke circles.
BONUS EXERCISE: THE SPRINT
Since running/ jogging is such a fad these days, I have managed to incorporate a cardio-vascular challenge in my exercise program. The challenge, however, is to not run, but sprint in 3 to 5 minute bursts. To do this, you can either throw pebbles and insults at your local neighborhood siga ("Huy, tangna mo! Bakit ikaw siga dito ha?! Suntukan na lang tayo o!!!) then sprint, or you can anger your local stray askal, then sprint again.
Do these exercises religiously and I guarantee you will live a healthier life. You may even live more than 72 years. Or at least live until President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo gets convicted on her plunder charges.
Good day Motherfuckers!
I'm back from the dead. Please disregard all posts prior to this one. Defibrillation of this blog is ongoing.
So is there something new to expect from Paningit this time around? Not much really. Only thing I can promise is from now on I'll try my best to write my posts in sentence case. Of course this blog will always be about the usual random nonsense and vile rants I spew time and again. It will also house segments such as product, movie, music, and restaurant reviews (because I know you'd need me to tell you what to buy, what to watch, where to eat and who to date), and the notorious TODAY'S TOP 5. So stick around, motherfuckers! Enjoy the ride. Or not. I don't care.
So is there something new to expect from Paningit this time around? Not much really. Only thing I can promise is from now on I'll try my best to write my posts in sentence case. Of course this blog will always be about the usual random nonsense and vile rants I spew time and again. It will also house segments such as product, movie, music, and restaurant reviews (because I know you'd need me to tell you what to buy, what to watch, where to eat and who to date), and the notorious TODAY'S TOP 5. So stick around, motherfuckers! Enjoy the ride. Or not. I don't care.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)