"hi there. ever dance with the devil in a pale moonlight?"
fuck you, jack nicholson! i am the devil.
it's good you're a rabid Laker fan and portrayed my dad well in that movie "as good as it gets" or else, i would've let my grandma kick your scrawny ass, punk!
oh, and don't even start with that tandem of yours with adam sandler. repeat after me: "the best actor in anger management was former nyc mayor, rudy guliani. i am guliani's bitch. i am guliani's bitch."
//i'm out.
7.31.2006
7.28.2006
suck copious amounts of boy-band ass, justin timberlake!
i don't even know why majority of the world is shocked that this fucker right here... 
... is gay and is getting his ass fucked by this guy right here... 
what's wrong with people today? ain't it fucking obvious enough? i mean, look at N'sync maggot for instance. just look at him for three seconds.
yep, gayness.
then look at the chiseled muscle guy. you might say, he looks pretty straight. he looks pretty normal. he looks pretty okay, nothing's wrong with him. that's the fucking problem folks... he looks fucking pretty! again, gayness. and will you please open your eyes and look at the fucking shirt for chrissakes! if that doesn't scream boy george sucking everyone's cock in culture club while singing karma chameleon, i don't know what does.
there's a lesson to be learned from this; and this goes out especially to the ladies. the lesson is, REAL MEN:
1) shave, but don't shave their balls or the pubes that run up their asses
2) pick on their own scabs and eat 'em
3) make use of their index finger and thumb to pick their noses
4) fart and burp, sometimes simultaneously
5) have skidmarks in their underwear
6) watch TV and drink beer for at least a quarter of their waking life
7) laugh loud and hard enough for their tonsils to be viewed by an audience
8) have at least one scar more than two inches long that he can brag about
9) grab annoying clowns and mimes by the balls and hurl them to Katmandu
10) and loves great, sweaty, gorilla sex with women
they don't join bands that practice dance steps instead of instruments and sing "bye-bye-bye" in front of thousands of raging fourth graders. and they don't join the amazing race either. that's that , fuckers!
//i'm out.
... is gay and is getting his ass fucked by this guy right here... 
what's wrong with people today? ain't it fucking obvious enough? i mean, look at N'sync maggot for instance. just look at him for three seconds.yep, gayness.
then look at the chiseled muscle guy. you might say, he looks pretty straight. he looks pretty normal. he looks pretty okay, nothing's wrong with him. that's the fucking problem folks... he looks fucking pretty! again, gayness. and will you please open your eyes and look at the fucking shirt for chrissakes! if that doesn't scream boy george sucking everyone's cock in culture club while singing karma chameleon, i don't know what does.
there's a lesson to be learned from this; and this goes out especially to the ladies. the lesson is, REAL MEN:
1) shave, but don't shave their balls or the pubes that run up their asses
2) pick on their own scabs and eat 'em
3) make use of their index finger and thumb to pick their noses
4) fart and burp, sometimes simultaneously
5) have skidmarks in their underwear
6) watch TV and drink beer for at least a quarter of their waking life
7) laugh loud and hard enough for their tonsils to be viewed by an audience
8) have at least one scar more than two inches long that he can brag about
9) grab annoying clowns and mimes by the balls and hurl them to Katmandu
10) and loves great, sweaty, gorilla sex with women
they don't join bands that practice dance steps instead of instruments and sing "bye-bye-bye" in front of thousands of raging fourth graders. and they don't join the amazing race either. that's that , fuckers!
//i'm out.
7.20.2006
the boss' wife
so i saw my boss' wife one day at the entrance of a crowded gocery. i greeted her. she greeted back. then proceeded to ask me, there in the middle of what i sensed was a purely homophobic crowd, where is my partner?
what?! fuck!
"oh, you mean my wife."
"yeah, your partner."
"no, my wife."
"yes, where is your partner?"
then people started looking at me.
shit. shit. shit. what is your problem, lady? you can't just yell to a guy in the middle of a crowded grocery and ask where his "partner" is. jesus. i'm not gay! i have a wife. two kids. bad posture. and dirty fingernails. i have no partner.
nosy bourgeoisie bitch. no wonder she's married to that baboon in the office.
aaarrrgghhh!!!!
//i'm out.
what?! fuck!
"oh, you mean my wife."
"yeah, your partner."
"no, my wife."
"yes, where is your partner?"
then people started looking at me.
shit. shit. shit. what is your problem, lady? you can't just yell to a guy in the middle of a crowded grocery and ask where his "partner" is. jesus. i'm not gay! i have a wife. two kids. bad posture. and dirty fingernails. i have no partner.
nosy bourgeoisie bitch. no wonder she's married to that baboon in the office.
aaarrrgghhh!!!!
//i'm out.
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