i can't lie anymore. as much as i want to. i can't. i want to talk to you. now. i want to pick up that phone, call you up, and hear the sound of your voice. i am a junkie, and your voice is my crack. that's how badly messed up i am.
i know. no matter how many times i tell myself... that we must not have a relationship, that this is insane... i can't seem to keep my end of the bargain. you told me to never call you again. but i can't. i want to know how you're doing. i want to know if you had your lunch. i want to know your take in politics, in religion, in life in general. i want to know what kind of coffee you drink. what kind of perfume you wear. do you snore when you sleep. do you sleep at all?
i can think of a thousand... nay... a million reasons for this not to go on. but only one reason for it to move... that is... i want you.
i pick up the phone. i dial the number. and i hear your voice. i close my eyes. i feel the pain and the joy in my heart. i could not answer. i'm afraid my voice would crack. now i'm holding back my tears. i put down the phone. all i can hear is an echo of your voice.
it was only the third time i called you, remember?... but it seems i've known you for several lifetimes. i want to hold you. but you are halfway accross the globe... and the only words you have ever said to me were... "thank you for calling AT&T, this is erika, how may i help you?"
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