ten years ago...

written about ten years ago... when i was just starting to explore the comforts of poetry.

***
sometimes me the future daunts,
i think of how it may end with you.
of how the event today it haunts,
even if this dusk sky ends in blue.

“regret not, live like no tomorrow.”
i’ve tried but can’t for the life of me,
to act like you, without thought to sorrow.
my ways perhaps in the future you’ll see.

maybe you’ll be on your own,
or maybe you will be
with someone in a romantic tone,
married with children, one, two or three.

maybe have a daughter, or son.
when the ones that hold steady your life are left to say,
you’ll think, i promise, always about the one:
the one who left that day.

***

it's both funny and freaky if you read one of your past works. like this one. i was looking for a book in my shelf over the weekend, and i happened to chance upon a piece of paper that looked so familiar. i started to read it. and i remembered i wrote this piece when i was in highschool. it blew me away, not because the poem was good or anything (actually the poem sucks.. go ahead, read it again and i guarantee you'll vomit hahaha), but because it was like an out-of-the-body experience of sorts. i was reading something that i wrote ten years ago, but it felt like i was not the one who wrote it.

i'm looking at history. my history. but it feels like it's not me at all. it's like i'm reading into someone else's journal or something. i kept asking myself, did i write these words? what was i thinking back then? i was just 15. the poem didn't even have a friggin' title! heck! the poem doesn't even make sense! hm.. that's funny. some things don't change at all do they? look at me, ten years later, and i still don't make sense. that validates everything then. i did write this poem.

i feel weird. it think i'll go throw up now, hope you don't mind.

i'm out.