why i don't believe in santa

well, i used to.

back when i was four, my mom told me to leave my christmas stocking (it was a sock, i never wore stockings even as a kid) hanging by the door of my room. and so i did. around 2:00 am, i heard a weird noise. so i woke up; and what i saw through a thick layer of morning star covering my eyes forever changed my life. i saw my mom and dad stuffing my christmas sock with toys and goodies. what a bummer.

that was not all.

since kindergarten all the way up to grade six, my class advisers would perinially assign me as the class fucking santa! how's that!

i did two santa roles back in high school. and another one in a freak college party.

i thought my jolly fat man alter ego would leave me once i step out of school and join the corporate world. wrong. i'll reprise my santa role tomorrow in our company's kiddie christmas party. am i experiencing santa burnout? yes. did this make me, in anyway, christmas spirit-intolerant. hell yeah it did!

so to add excitement to my role as santa tomorrow, i thought i'd add a little twist to it. i'd completely junk the whole red suit and just put on the beard and the friggin' santa hat. then i'll smoke and have the sack of goodies on one hand and have a bottle of redhorse on the other! that'll make them re-think about who's going to be santa next year!

then again... the kids. shit. i have to do this for the kids. just because i discovered at an early age one of the greatest conspiracies / hoaxes this world has ever concocted, doesn't mean i have to traumatize the little critters too, right? right.

because in a world full of corruption, greed, discrimination, biases, pretentions, inhibitions, hate, disorder, and reality... there must be a fucking central image of happiness and joy for kids everywhere to believe in. so tomorrow, i'll put on the red suit, the white beard, the red hat, pick up the friggin' red sack, and say ho-ho-ho one more time... for the kids.

aawwww... ok drop it! i don't want you getting mushy or anything. and just to remind everyone, i'm really NOT buying into this holiday spirit bullshit. at best, it's all just marketing, commercialization, and consumerism all rolled into one. but then again, i'm not telling you guys not to believe either.

i'm out.