my wife

if i had my way... she would not feel this pain. if i could only take it away from her chest, put it in a black box, chain it twice and drop it at the bottom of the ocean... i would do it;

even if it meant that i would have to be that black box, and i would have to spend the better half of eternity at the cold bottom of the abyss;

even if it meant that i would have to catch every tear that rolls down her cheecks, and drink the bitter taste of guilt and suffering , i would do it.

even if it meant my happiness, i would do it;

even if it meant my life, i would do it.

because she is my life. without her i am a mere spec in this world of ashes and dust. she validates me and my purpose to breathe and live.

because she is my happiness. she is the end all and be all of my existence.

because right now, it is not about me. everything is not about me. it never was and never will be about me. and i should have understood it from the very start. i should have never taken it for granted. i should have never made any excuses. it never was, never is, and never will be about me... it's about us.

but i am in hell.

hell is not a place where, as others say, bad souls go after death. if so, then i would have to await death before justice is served and my soul burns in its fiery gates, that is if i have one. no, i am in hell because hell is being out of her grace. but i would accept such fate if it meant that she will no longer have that pain.

i am an evil person. i do bad things to good people. i deserve nothing. and i ask for nothing. just forgiveness. and her love. i may be asking too much, but even evil, sometimes, has the right to love. i love my wife and i want her back. and i will do whatever it takes to get her back.