anyway, so i saw her. we shared an exchange of the usual "hi, how are you?" pleasantries.
y'know the drill:
"hi."
"hey."
"been a long time eh? so how are you?"
"fine. so what's happening?"
"oh nothing much."
"killed an elephant lately?"
"oh no, haven't been in africa for about two years now. i've heard ivories haven't been that attractive in the black market since 98. so i shifted."
"really? to what?"
"siberian tigers. their fur and bones attract quite a hefty sum for coats and traditional chinese medicine, y'know."
"if you ask me, i'd rather kill whales. i mean, when's the last time a whale ever did something for you eh??"
that would've been our exhange if we were POACHERS. but we're not.
i don't know about you guys, but this wet dumbo sure looks like a friggin' rat with a trunk.
so we had this instead:
"hi, A! how's it hanging there?"
"nothing much, audrey. we're experiencing a relatively cool middle of the week weather up here in the north with highs reaching 24 degrees celcius and lows of about 14 degrees as night falls. we're also having light to moderate winds coming from the coast, blowing through partly cloudy skies with a 20 percent chance of rain in the afternoon. so how's your situation there?"
"oh we're having a bit of dry spell and a mild heat wave with temperatures ranging from 27 to 36 degrees. i'd advise everyone to wear their sunscreen if they decide to step out of the shade as our skies are clear with no sight of precipitation for the next four days or so. the sun will rise at around 5:22 tomorrow morning, and it will set at 6:18 in the evening. back to you, A!"
a perfectly normal exchange, if we were WEATHER GUYS. but we're not. heck! one of us ain't even a guy. i was referring to her not being the guy, smartass.
i can probably crack this annoying motherfucker's head with a 2x4 in two seconds flat. given the chance of course.
so we had this exchange instead:
"hey, A! how you doin'?"
"oh nothing much actually. due to technical difficulties and lack of credit worthiness, my runway has been unable to offer others with the proper flight control facilities. so i've been out of the radar lately. but not totally out, y'know. i was once soaring the stratosphere a few months back when they asked me to descend to 3,000 feet, which is below the controlled airspace. so i tried to contact the others on one two one decimal five to try get me out my slump, but speedbird 32 suggested i take up the hold as instructed and just cruise at 800 feet with FILBs and other little itinerant bastards. so how about you?"
"i've been great! been with delta echo sierra for two years now. and i'm also in close contact with my peeps on one one eight decimal three five y'know. they've been really super and all. i remember once i had problems with strong headwinds and i was down to fuel minimums in a middle of a really long flight twelve miles north of manchester just past flight level 240. bulgarian 231 was so cool to lemme land and even allowed me to take off on both my inbound and outbound legs for free. woot!
"good for you."
that's how our conversation would've been if we were AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLERS. but we're not.
monks as air traffic controllers? hell yeah! they can pray for your safety. or if you die, they can pray you won't be reborn as paris hilton.
so it went down exactly like this:
"A! how are you, man?"
"fine."
"what happened? you don't look so good."
"audrey, audrey, audrey. we've been friends for what? seven years now? you know for a fact that i've never looked good."
"oh. okay."
"see you around."
so that was it. short. uneventful. boring. unwitty. casual. and simply fucking unfunny. but it was real.
i'm out.
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