though many of you would think that the modern fax was developed in the 70s, it was actually invented in 1843 by a scottish inventor named alexander bain. the poor schmuck must've been bored to death making clocks, that's why he sold his soul to the devil in exchange for the fax machine's blue print. but i guess he just sold half his soul, not all of it, because it took him close to 20 years developing the damn thing before the first ever fax was sold in 1861 by a certain giovanni. and since then, offices have never been the same. and since then, all fax machine salesmen were named giovanni. it's BS, i know.
so you want more proof that the fax machine is satanic eh? how about this one, in 1843, the same year the fax was invented, james presscott joule quantified the conversion of work into heat. there's your proof. work + heat = hell, which IS satanic. or how about this one, on that same year, the B'nai B'rith, the oldest jewish service organization in the world, was founded. clearly an anti-christ organization because we all know that the jews were the ones who crucified christ, right? oh, here's more, the first issue of the economist was published and the bishop's university in quebec, canada was also founded in 1843. clearly both satanic as the evils of this world is propagated only by economics and religion. coincidence? i don't think so.
still don't believe me? how about this, the name of that first fax machine ever sold was the pantelegraph, which sounds very much like the name of that hardcore /trash metal / satanic band, pantera! zing! bingo! that hit the fucking jackpot right there.
i don't know how to draw. bite me.
***
but the best evidence that can proove that fax machines are indeed satanic is how people react to it everyday at the office. let me share you some examples i've observed:
case study 1: female, 42, happily married, mother of two.
normally she's always happy. smiling. not a care in the world. you see her and you can just tell that teletubby songs play in her head in eternal repeat. that is, until her boss transfered their department's fax machine beside her desk. one day she was doing her thing, sending out purchase orders to suppliers. she does this everytime. it's part of her job/ routine. then i heard:
"fax tone please."
"hello. yes this is (her cheesy nickname) of (the name of our company), and i'd like to ask for a fax tone."
"hello? hello? fax tone please."
"I JUST NEED A FRIGGIN' FAX TONE, BITCH!!! A FAX TONE!!! DIDN'T YOUR SPECIAL ED CLASS TEACH YOU HOW TO USE THE FAX???"
"HELLO!!! HELLO?! she hung up. NOBODY HANGS UP ON ME!!!"
then she slams the phone and went into a hysterical fit for about half an hour shouting "FAX YOU!!! FAX YOU!!!"
the fax is evil.
case study 2: male, 27, in a steady relationship with the same woman for the past 3 years, had a good catholic eduction.
this guy is one of the most focused and poised officemates i've ever had. he rarely snaps under pressure. he's systematic. punctual. organized. religious. and he never curses. and i think he's gay because of the way he dresses, and because he always has nice clean shoes. but that's beside the point. so one day, he needed to finalize a billing statement and, of course, fax it to one of our clients. he can't consolidate the data that'll go in the billing statement because one of our accountants hasn't finished her report on it. so he approached the accountant, explained to her the urgency of the billing statement, and told her he'll be back for it immediately after lunch. so long story short, the accountant didn't meet his deadline.
this made him all red. really flushed. i've never seen him like that. then he shouted at the accountant in front of everyone in that office. he said, "ARE YOU CRAZY??? I NEED TO SEX THESE DOCUMENTS TO (name of our client) BEFORE 4PM OR WE'LL BE INCURRING PENALTIES!!!"
yep. he did say it. he said SEX instead of FAX. realizing everyone's staring at him because he made a major boo-boo, he carefully eased his way out of the accounting office. just in time before everyone burst into laughter. poor guy. he just resigned two weeks ago.
the fax machine is evil, i tell you.
i'm out.
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