good morning sportsfans!

i've been grouchy every morning for the past four months or so.

i don't know. it could be because of my nagging back injury. or my headaches. or the lack of caffeine. or the bad taste of tar and nicotine that i smell everytime i wake up. i don't know. but lately, i just hate talking and being with people in the morning. i can't stand them. and i just have to let them know.

let's fucking rant.

:: good morning, fuckers! -- yeah. that's how i've been greeting everyone in the office everyday. everyone, except my boss, that is. so here's the drill: i come in late. everyone busy doing their job. i stand still for a good five seconds by the door. they look at me and smile. then i yell... "GOOOOOOOD MORNING, FUCKERS!!!" then i give them this weird look as if saying, "what? got a problem? what?! you ain't got shit on me, king kong!" they go back to their little corner and continue their work. i drop off my bag, turn on my computer, then go outside and smoke. sweet!

:: how about some coffee? -- well, i'm not exactly offering them coffee. what i'm offering them is an unforgettable experience. everytime someone bugs me for a report, or asks me some lame, stupid question like, "hm... when was the last time you did something for the first time?" or any of that shit, my reply is plain and simple. "when was the last time you had coffee? here, have some of my scalding hot, freshly brewed, hazelnut flavored concoction.." {splash!} "oh, i'm sorry, was that too hot for you, yah pussy?! second degree burns? oh, don't worry about it. you'll be picking scabs off your face in no time, yah moron!!!"

:: stop it with the christmas carols please! -- so i finally find my resolve to somehow do some real work. i sit down. get into my zone. then suddenly, some stupid christmas music plays on the fucking radio. what the fuck?! christmas is like a month away. it's going to happen anyway, no matter how much we "normal" people pray for it not to come. so why sing carols and merry melodies in november?

look, we've got a few days left to sulk, and be miserable, and be grouchy. i say let's take advantage of it. so i stood up, turned the radio off, and went back to my desk. some asshole actually had the the balls to turn it on again. so i stood up and turned it off. someone turned it on again. for the second time, i turned it off. then someone turned it on, the stupid fuck even increased the volume. this time, however, it was no jingle bells that was blasted from the speakers. it was adam sandler singing something about growing old with someone even if that girl's breasts horribly sag and touch the floor and shit.

that did it. i snapped, got a cup of my scalding hot, freshly brewed, hazelnut flavored coffee (yeah hazelnut. very pussy, i know.) and poured it all over the radio (i wish i was making this up). the damn thing stopped playing. and it was smoking, too. sure i had to pay for it. but not hearing that damn box play for the next month was really worth it. fuck you radio! fuck you everyone! now, go back to work!

:: lock everyone out -- no more radio? no problem. i just put on my earphones and play mp3s from my extremely kickass mp3 collection. ah yes. i have perfectly locked everyone out. now i can work in peace. just then, a turd comes in and starts asking for some documents. i tried to ignore him. but i could still hear his shrieking voice, so i turned up the volume. then he got it up a notch by mouthing words in front of my face. so i took off my earphones. i looked at my coffeemaker, hm, no more coffee. so i just shouted at him, "i'm listening to madonna, do you mind???!!!!" that shut him up.

// i'm out.