i wonder what she's like. i know she's beautiful. i'm sure of that. i see it in her writing. i remember the moment she said those words... "i feel like your words have hands, they touch my soul in ways it has never been touched.." i fell in love with her.
right now, i am taking a shower like my life depended on it. i'll make use of the whole 10 minutes. i want to look my best for this. i'll make sure my ears are clean; the back of my ears thoroughly rinsed; my finger nails appropriately cut; no hair pointing at the wrong direction. i'll make sure i'll look my best for her.
but i have to put on this orange suit. hmmm.. she doesn't mind. i guess. well she knows i've been in here quite some time. she also knows that she's the only reason why i wake up happy in this place... funny... i found love in hell.
matt's coming. i can hear his nightstick clanging the cold steel. he's whistling. i know he's happy for me. why won't he be? he's my best friend. ever since this started, he's been the witness of my love for ...
"she's here, man."
"whoa!"
"looking sharp, david.. looking sharp indeed."
"do you think she'll like me, matt?"
"hey, don't be silly. besides, what's not to like?"
"my grotesque figure for starters."
"look...you two have been at this for ages man... and this is the time that you've been waiting for. just walk up to her and enjoy. c'mon man."
"i don't know matt... i'm so nervous. i can't keep my hands from shaking... look."
"dude, she's here. that's what's important right? so don't blow it."
"is she alone?"
"she's with her kid. the 6-year old... jeff, his name is jeff right?... look, if it'll make you feel better, i'll walk with you down the hall... ok?"
"thanks matt."
funny... i found friendship in hell.
as matt was walking me down the hall, into a dimly lit room where hope and happiness seem to abound, i saw her for the first time. i tried very hard not to be overwhelmed by the situation. i was holding back. so this is how it feels.
"hello."
"hi."
"i'll leave you two alone. david, you got 30 minutes, make it count buddy."
"thanks matt."
silence.
"that was my friend, matt. the one i wrote about, remember?"
"oh."
she wasn't moving. it's like she wasn't even breathing. her eyes were just fixed at the floor. she wasn't looking at me, but i feel her eyes peering through my soul; examining every inch of it. the silence was deafening... maddening... and uncomfortable.
"so how was your trip?"
"fine."
silence.
"is this jeff? oh my, he's a grown man. hey buddy, how are you?... looks like you've done a good job with him."
"thanks."
silence.
"i can see you're not very... shall i say... comfortable with this..."
"no, i'm fine.... it's just that..."
"what?"
"nothing."
"no what, really... please tell me... i think i deserve that much."
"i don't think this will work out..."
"what? this?... you know i never kept this a secret from you.."
"yeah.. i know..."
"can we please just talk... i mean.. i really want to talk to you... you drove 250 kilometers with your son, at least let me make it worth your trip... let's just talk ok... let's talk like we were writing letters to each other."
"i can't do that."
"why?"
silence. deafening silence.
it was like i was talking to a different person. she wasn't the happy, spontaneous, funny person i knew from her letters. she's different. and i know something was wrong.
"why? why can't you do that? why can't we just laugh and talk about things like what we did in our letters for the past two years? i'm here now. it's me, david. look. please look at me."
she momentarily glanced. and i saw in her eyes that there was pain... much pain in her. still she did not speak.
"hey, midge... please... i'm here now."
"i can't do this. i'm sorry... we have to go. c'mon jeff.. say goodbye to david."
"bye david."
i couldn't speak. i was stunned. and just like that, she stood up, turned away, and walked out of the door... walked out the room where hope and happiness once abound... walked out of my heart where hope and happiness once abound. she didn't look back. i looked at the clock.. and only 10 minutes passed by...
"david... what happened?"
it was matt.
"i don't know... if it's ok with you, i'd like to be alone in my room now..."
"sure buddy."
it was morning. i woke up with the warm rays of the sun in my face... my heart was cold though. i couldn't get up. i don't want to get up. suddenly i heard matt...
"david... a letter for you. it's from midge. she dropped it off a while ago."
"where is she?"
"they left."
i opened the letter and started reading it.
i stopped for a while, then i started looking at the bars of my cell. those parallel bars... they never meet. like midge and i, we will never meet.
but somewhere... in a parallel world.. i feel that we're together. i close my eyes and have a glimpse of that parallel world. i see a house, with a lovely yard. we have two kids. we both work. we both love each other. we go out on weekends and go to her favorite mexican place and eat burritos. we go on long walks. we read books together. we talk.
then i open my eyes and see the parallel bars of my cell. the bars that never meet, like us, we will never meet.
we are parallels.
that is the reality that i have to contend with. but who knows... maybe in another lifetime... when we are both cats.
for now, i got a hold of my pen and my pad... and i'm writing her a reply.
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