or also known as the questions you would like to ask the author of this stupid and pathetic blogsite but you felt you'd get a senseless answer anyway so why ask.
i have been asked these questions through emails, chats, phone calls, sms, casual conversations, spontaneous assemblies, press conferences, and the like. i'd try to answer them with as much sense as possible for as long as the question merits it.
q: are you married?
a: yes i am. for about five years now. but don't remind my wife that we are married. she might suddenly wake up one morning, have an epiphany, and leave.
q: how tall are you?
a: i am 5'7" tall, but my body width prevents me from looking 5'7" tall. it creates an optical illusion of sorts. let me put it this way. according to a medical weight and height chart, with my weight my height should be 6'4".
q: do you smoke?
a: yes. as a matter of fact, i smoke a lot. but i only smoke lucky strike filters.
q: what was your greatest musical discovery?
a: that you could make the key of A minor on the fretboard of a guitar making use of only two fingers. that plus my acceptance that i can't sing at all.
q: how would you describe your personal fashion concept?
a: fashion is a fascist concept ye horsefucker!!!
q: if you were to choose between the skin on your elbow or the skin on your sole; which kind of skin would you rather have to cover your entire body?
a: the skin on my elbow. it's softer. more elastic i guess. but that'll make me look like a gigantic talking scrotum wouldn't it? oh well. the answer sticks.
q: have you ever been in love?
a: hell yeah! four times to be exact. but i'm not going to elaborate.
q: would you rather makeout with a girl without teeth or a girl without a tounge?
a: what the fuck? oh well... the one without teeth.
q: if you only have one eyebrow, where would you put it? above your left eye or above your right eye?
a: i'd put it in the middle. that way i can always look serious and pensive.
q: if you were given a chance, how would you like to finish all the sentences you've ever written or said?
a: well, the rules of the english language states that we must finish our sentences with a period (.); but if given a chance, i'd rather finish my sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy" then with a period.
q: they say your pornstar name should be the name of your first pet followed by the name of the street where you live, so what's your pornstar name?
a: rambo p. burgos... hey, it does sound good eh?
q: have you ever had an imaginary friend?
a: yes. when i was three or four. we used to play chess.
... to be continued.
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