been out

oh yes i have. for about five days. dang! no matter what the date blogger.com says this post was allegedly posted, don't believe it. i had this drafted out three days earlier.

anyway, five days felt like eternity to me. anyway, it's nice to be back. why was i out? well, if you really must know, some of us still need to work here. yep. us employees. work. four-letter word. W-O-R-K. can't say all of it sucked. but most of it does. you come in the morning and you see papers, and deadlines, spilled coffee, dull pencils, more papers, and of course more deadlines.

but hey, i've got a lot to be thankful for... whoa! wait a minute... i'm supposed to always, and i mean ALWAYS, be pissed off... that didn't sound right. what i meant was, i did have fun the past few days. lemme see...

(1) went out bowling with my friend marlon. yep. and kicked his ass in every game... we had twelve, but i let the poor guy win a couple. i was hitting strikes and spares silly while he was sitting down chugging his beer, scratching his head, and asking where his mom went wrong.

we had twelve games and i hit four strikes total. four strikes! i was wicked! yeah! y'know what that means. that means that i hit four strikes more than what i've ever hit my entire fuckin' life. i know, i know, i'm pathetic. what kind of a bowler am i? the kind who doesn't bowl that's what i am. but hey, if you think my sorry ass was pathetic, just imagine the other guy. he was practically hitting ditch after ditch after ditch after ditch which makes you think he was working at the department of public works and highways or somethin'. dang! i never knew bowling was this fun!

(2) so after bowling and a "few" bottles of beer, i got home and did the laundry. of course in between wash and spin cycles i was zappin' through the tube and somehow managed to get glued (trapped) to hbo's feature presentation which was.. gasp.. a walk to remember. mandy moore's one hot schwing babe! dare i say more. schwing!

ok. enough happy thoughts already. now let's rant!

so i'm stuck here at the office for days because of work. i haven't had a good shave, a good meal, or even a good night's sleep for weeks now. and the lack of sleep and proper hygiene can really make you more observant sometimes. what have i been noticing around the office lately? well:

(1) no free coffee - that sucks. hey, top management, yeah i'm talking to you... think you're so smart eh?! haven't you been told that coffee is one of the basic food groups needed by man to fuckin' survive?! well, where's the coffee then?! what the!!! i'm not going to drink these cheap 3-in-1s you sick half-sedated bastard! what? whaddaya mean i'm fired?...

(2) office chairs suck - so you haven't had sleep. and your back is killing you. and yet they still expect you to work and be productive?! what the fuck gives?! the one thing that can help boost my productivity up by... i don't know.. 4%.. is if you guys get me one of them kickass executive series office chairs with a built-in electric massager. yeah! what do i need it for?... duh! like, i need to sit on it while working and getting a massage you assmunch! no i don't need the vibration dickhead.. i need the massage. it's not like i'm goin' to dry hump the chair or somethin'.

(3) carpal tunnel syndrome and mice with no balls - haven't you heard of ergonomics you dumbass! yeah, there are ergonomic keyboards to prevent us from suffering carpal tunnel syndrome. oh. you haven't heard about carpal tunnel syndrome? well, it's that thing that happens when i type too much on an outdated keyboard.. my right arm extends and my fist balls up in front of your face, and my middle finger suddenly sticks out... that's carpal tunnel syndrome stupid dumb fuck! and while you're at it, get me one of them wireless optical mouse too. yeah, the one with a wheel and an ambidextrous design. why? you dare ask me why? well, let's just say i don't like cleaning out balls that aren't mine. intiendes? good.

so leave your thoughts on this, comments, suggestions, hate mail, unpaid phone bills, or suicide notes.. i don't fucking care. i'm out.