fart faces

it's been a while since i made fart faces.

well, just in case you're wondering, fart faces is the kind of incexplicable expression your face gives out everytime you smell fart... or everytime you see, feel, taste, or hear anything that your sorry brain can associate with fart.

back in the day when i was in a band... again i reiterate that it was not a marching band.. it was a kickass rock and roll band... actually it was not.. it was more of a non-equity band.. whatever the fuck that means.. anyway.. what the fuck am i saying here!?

back in the day, when me and three other desperate souls were in this band and we jammed at parties and shit... all of us used to make fart faces.. whether on stage while performing or in the confines of a rehearsal studio, (shit.. who am i kidding, our rehearsal studio was nothing more but a garage, or the single-detached bachelor's pad our bassist owns) we'd make fart faces because of either one of three reasons:

(1) our sound smells like fart - yep. we sounded so bad most of the time that the music we make usually blurs the senses, and our sound ends up as a sonic hodgepodge of foul smelling flatulence.
(2) we saw someone in the moshpit that looks so bad, he/she smells like fart - it was like.. "dude, check out that chick in tight jeans and a spaghetti-strap shirt... whoa! she's really diggin' us.. check out the way her bottom grooves with our beat... man she's hot!" [then chick turns around and fronts the band]"... man! goddamit! she's a man!!!" then we'd make fart faces.
(3) someone actually farted - we do this whether on stage or inside a sound studio... especially in a sound studio which is usually padded and enclosed... we end up wasting every minute of rehearsal time blaming each other on who farted.. then we end up blaming the equipment. on stage, we take special pride of farting especially when the crowd is getting too close.. that'll teach 'em to stay in their own area and let us do our thing!

anyway... it's been a while since i've been with the guys... hence, it's been a while since i did my last fart face... besides, we're all grown up now ...

but if there's one thing this whole grown up business does is that it makes you forget how to make fart faces. it's like, the more you grow old, there'd be less and less opportunities for you to smell fart and distort your face.

i mean, technically you can't make fart faces when you smell your own gas.. because you're immune with it (yes you are, and don't deny it you lying scumbag!).. same with your wife's... trust me, you'd be immune with it to.. just give it time, don't worry, you will. and people at work are all professionals and shit and they always remember to excuse themselves to go to the john to fart.. aww.. that sucks! then all your friends are all grown up too, and they too remember to excuse themselves and detach from a crowd whenever they feel like farting. and there's no point in discussing children's farts because.. well.. they're not foul smelling.. they're cute. so you see, chances of me making fart faces from now to the time i die would be slim. shit! i hate that!

somebody please fucking fart for me!

i'm out.