SESA-FUCKING-ME STREET!
are they still on air? i'm serious. i mean, how many new episodes of sesame street do we really need nowadays? by this time you'd expect people born between 1975 to 1985 can already read and count.
i would like to take this opportunity to bash sesame street and blame them for getting me hooked on the tube! you motherfuckers!!! you destroyed my childhood! i could've read books, lots of books that would've helped my grammar and spelling and shit. books that would've built my patience and raised my emotional quotient. now, thanks to you idoits sitting around there at the children's television workshop with your thumbs up your asses, i have a.d.d. instead!
seriously, i think sesame street is a very dangerous place to be in. i wouldn't live there even if someone bribed me with a million bucks. 1.2 million? i'd give it some thought. but a million bucks? no fucking way. people who live there have serious fucking issues.
you got a 10-foot flightless bird, aptly named big bird, that never lays an egg, lives in a nest, snores like a plumber, and is so fucking annoying. hey dude, make yourself useful and join the nba draft. either that or volunteer to change busted lightbulbs of lamp posts. do us all a fucking favor and move to the sequoia national forest. i'm sure there you'll find a tree big enough to nest you big yellow ass on!
you got a fucking two-ton furry mammoth named snuffy. this guy talks gay and has long curly eyelashes and gives everyone a queer look (i've been told he likes to check out guys' butts). what bugs me is for years people think he's imaginary. gimme a break! how can you miss something as big as a friggin' garbage truck and walks the speed of a geriatric snail??? tell me, how???
you got a creepy day-walker vampire (the count) who likes to count anything and everything he sees and ends every counting session with thunder and lightning. that's fucking freaky!!! and he laughs backwards too with a "ah-ah-ah" instead of a "ha-ha-ha." i say drive a stake through this bloodsucker's chest and burn him. burn him!!!
you got a gluttonous wobbly-eyed blue guy (cookie monster) with furry hands that devours anything in this path - plates, bricks, records, cookie boxes, cookie jars, girl scout cookie girl scouts, buses, trains, tin cans... everything! he talks like a retard too. personally, i think he'd be better off in some mental institution that hang around in sesame street.
then you got two fucking homos that live togther. one is yellow and sports a pathetic fido-dido do (bert), the other one's orange, sports a messed up crop, laughs weird (ish-ish-ish-ish-ish) and loves playing with sex toys and rubber duckies with enormous beaks during bathtime. these guys do nothing but stay in their house and administer blowjobs to each other. when they're not doing that, they run this stupid petition in the internet encouraging everyone that the next president should legalize gay marriages. spare us and just move to massachusettes please!
and it doesn't stop there. you got a frog that desperately tries to be a news reporter and an actor. you wanna be that, kermit?! well, pack your bags now because you can't. why? you're not tom brokaw. and oh, yeah, it ain't easy being green. right. that's because it sucks being you! period!
wait, lemme see... oh yeah, then you have that other green guy who lives in a trashcan and has a bitch who's a former member of the village people that carries him around town. fucking grouchy character that oscar is. he bitches about his life and how he wants everybody to just leave him alone and shit. i've been told he wasn't like this before. only in sesame street everybody's so fucking annoying that nobody wants to leave anybody alone, even just for a fucking minute... even if you stink and you live in a fucking trash can!!!
and there's this incredibly annoying red guy... elmer... shit... elmo. he's the most annoying of them all with a voice like a 55-year old public teacher's nails screeching on a blackboard! shit! he bugs people all day about how he likes to color his fish blue and how he wants to fly a stupid kite and... AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!! and it doesn't stop there. the guy's so fucking narcissistic he likes referring to himself in the third person. elmo this, elmo that, elmo this and that. shut up dipshit! shut the fuck up! nobody wants to tickle your hairy body! nobody!!!
there's more... a purple guy named telly, a blue skinny bald guy named groper.. oops.. grover... and a lot more. only problem is, i can't talk about them anymore without having another stroke.
so please, y'all know the song, sing along will you... tantan-tantanan-tanantan-tantanan / sunny day / who gives a shit!
i'm out.
No comments:
Post a Comment