my wife works for this colossal telecommunications company. colossal. yeah, they hand out colossal remuneration packages to their employees and charge colossal air time rates to their customers. colossal.
what does it have to do with my next post? nothing.
:: people who are not in the library but still insist in using their library voice -- i usually play my wicked mp3 collection or my launchcast radio while at work. it keeps me stable. and i consider myself a pretty considerate guy (really, i'm pretty), so i keep the volume at a fairly manageable level. the only time i turn it a down a notch or two is when the boss drops by every morning to talk about how much his balls were itching the whole night. and how much he enjoys KY jelly with his coffee. sick bastard. anyway, that's what i do. so i expect everyone who drops by my office to speak up with a volume suited for an office conversation. because i won't fucking turn down the volume for them. that being said, i'm still constantly annoyed by people who insist in using their library voice.
"hey A, can you give me last month's KRA monitoring table, because my department needs it to review team members who were able to hit their targets and..."
"i'm sorry, BUT WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU SAY?!!"
these people need to be taught a lesson. maybe i'd talk to them first. y'know, be diplomatic and shit. "look, sissy, if you want us to have a good working relationship, please raise the volume of your voice. do it before i kill you. thanks." if that doesn't work, then i'd pick them up by their noses and hang them behind my door for the whole 8 hours. why? because this is not a fucking library, bitch!
can you see a sign that says "silence?" can you see endless rows of bookshelves? can you see a librarian? no, he's not a librarian, he's conan. not conan the librarian, dumbass! he's conan the "who-the-fuck-cares-i-have-muscles-big-enough-to-break-your-face" barbarian. and he has this mighty sword that can cut you in half if you don't raise the volume of your voice to an appropriate level, assmunch!
i know a lot of you have problems with loudmouths. you're annoyed by loudmouths. but at least you can hear 'em.
:: people who hand out resto menus in the street -- well, not just in the street. they're fuckin' everywhere. they're in every corner of the mall. they go inside offices. they double as pee pee room attendants, "good afternoon, sir. here's your towel. and here are today's specials." bullshit!!! who the fuck wants to think about food inside the bathroom? who? tell me. okay, i'll have the ribeye and a bottle of the most expensive "get-your-pathetic-fucking-menu-out-of-my-face-before-i-force-you-to-drink-toilet-water" wine.
here's an idea. why don't you just close shop and move to iraq where the chances of you being shot while handing out menus in the street would be higher.
remember this people, if a place has to have a guy outside handing out menu's, then chances are the place sucks ass!
:: people who always have the inside track -- i hate them. i hate them with passion. they think they know everything about the latest happenings around town. like this guy who once said he had the inside track on the reason why jennifer aniston and brad pitt broke up. yeah. he said his aunt's, cousin's, mother's, nephew's roommate has a godfather who's niece is a friend of someone who now works as a studio custodian in hollywood.
great! you see, horsefucker, what you just did automatically qualifies you to work at access hollywood. yeah, with that queer, billy bush. now, if you could just turn around and walk the other way. please. before i peel all the skin off your body. thank you.
and oh, the reason why jennifer and brad broke up? jen farts too much and brad rarely showers.
i'm out.
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