look

it was not just hectic. it was fuckin' insane!!!

for the past week, i've slept a total of less than 16 hours. my brain's so sore right now i can actually feel it squishing against the inner lining of my cracked skull. i cracked my skull when i was four. i bit the hand of my nanny. dropped me head first. no, actually she grabbed me by my feet and swung me against an anvil. yes, i'm lying. no human being would've had the strength to carry me when i was four. but i did crack my skull. yes, i'm a spaz.

so, i got out of work about half an hour ago. decided to have coffee to pump some sort of life to my tired, sore, zoned out brain. was sitting outside the cafe. smoking. my chin rested on my left palm, which was supported by my dark, chaffing, manly left elbow that rested on the cold steel table. my right hand was holding a cigarette over an ashtray. my eyes were staring into blank space. my mind was blank. didn't want to do anything.

suddenly from the corner of my eye, i saw this girl looking at me. no, she wasn't checking me out. the last time somebody checked me out, i was 14. that somebody was a man. anyway, she was looking at me. i was bothered. of course by the way she looked at me. you know. like she has a dozen smart ass comments going through her head about the way i dressed and how pathetic i am and shit.

i may have been a bit paranoid. hey, haven't had enough sleep, remember?

but still i was bothered. so i looked at her too. and i gave her that look. you know. the kind of look that seemed to say, "hey bitch! i may be fat and balding, but at least i make it look good. you, on the other hand, are just ugly. wait. no, you're not ugly. you're mediocre ugly! you're not even the kind of ugly that makes people turn around, look at you twice, and have an impact on their lives for even ten seconds. right now, i'd like to kick you in the groin!"

then she looked the other way. ha! that'll teach her not to stare at people. especially cranky, spazzed out people with cracked skulls.

***
to the readers of this blog. i miss you all. i love you all. and i'm not lying. just been busy lately. you know, work, life, burly guys. i'm really tired. feeling very random. not stable at the moment. i hope you understand. as if you care. heh.

i'm out.