free starbucks coffee

been hangin' out at a local starbucks every after work for the past couple of days. yes, because i love the coffee there (damn! i hope people at starbucks read this shit and give me free coffee everytime i go there). and yes, because i have nothing else better to do (then again, maybe they shouldn't read this).



lemme just say (or suggest... i'm still hoping they read this and give me free coffee) that this particular coffee outlet i frequent should upgrade the variety of reading materials they have for us customers. i mean, fuck! i usually have my coffee by myself. and because i hate staring into spaces and looking every inch the moron that i am in public, i end up asking for reading materials. magazines. the day's paper. the company brochure. their survey form. their barista application form. just about anything that can help me not look like a college drop out and a loser while i kill time. by the way, i'm not a college drop out. but i do look like a loser. and a moron. but of course you already know that.

so i go there and pay considerably more than what the fucking coffee's really worth, and what do i get? i get volumes upon volumes of girlie magazines. yes, you heard me. girlie mags. magazines that talk about the pros and cons of boob jobs. that talk about the benefits of hypoallergenic and non-corosive cosmetics. that talk about the right kind of bra that can give the illusion of having fuller breasts. that talk about finding mr. right. that talk about how to clean your clit even with long fingernails. that talk about beauty tips, coping with stress, love and relationship advice, plucking your eyebrows, waxing your underarm with honey and shit, yada, yada, yada, yada. bullshit!

lemme ask you this local starbucks outlet that i usaully frequent, who the fuck do you think is your target market here? fifteen year-old lindsay lohan wannabes? stupid highschool girls who think they fart everything that is nice in the world like candies, and rainbows, and unicorns, and daisies, and twinkling stars, and smurfs, and sugar and spice, and strawberries and cream, and oreos? i don't fucking think so.

what you have are people like me who work long hours in the office just to have the purchasing power to buy your insanely priced "gourmet" coffee, which you virtually stole from the equally hardworking coffee growers of south america by taking advantage of their business inadequacies. and yes, i am both verbose and incoherent when i haven't had my usual fix of four cups of coffee before noon. fuck you! burn your girlie mags or prepare to feel the wrath of an extremely fat guy!

having said this, i, however, still hope starbucks reads this and give me free coffee.

and why the fuck can't we spell girlie with a "y"?

i'm out.