i got some shit to say.
okay, so maybe i don't. but there's only one reason why i haven't been blogging lately. well, not as regular as i used to. and not as regular as i want to. and that reason is... (drumroll please, max)...
maybe, just maybe, i've run out of things to say.
gasp!
now, don't get me wrong. i haven't been lying to you guys. it's true that i've been busy. actually, still busy. the past few months have been the worst in my pathetic career. i got blamed for things. things i failed to do. things i didn't do right. things i did right but were not done on time. but mostly (like 80% of the time) i got blamed for things that were stupidly done by other dickheads who didn't even have the brain to comply with my fucking requirements. everything just fucking exploded on my face. like a bad birthday joke. only my birthday's five months away. fuck! i hate birthdays. well, actually i hate birthdays that get equated with foul ups at work that feels like bad birthday jokes. did you get that? good. fucking good!
then there's the new boss i was assigned to. fucking VP for shit who was a former President and COO of a sister company that went bye-bye just recently. yes people, currently i'm reporting to a man who eats, breathes, and dreams of "chapter 11s." fucking sweet!!! and he looks like a white, balding gorilla. the hair on his head is thinning faster than the ozone, but the hair all over his body is just as thick as a wool rug. and he always has this comb in his back pocket. yeah, and he constantly combs his chest hairs with it. fucking freaky!!! especially when the comb gets stuck just at the bottom of his left nipple and he starts screaming like a sissy girl. freaky! and it happens like 6 to 7 times everyday.
and every time he gets scared, y'know, like when he watches horror movies and shit and his hair starts to stand on end, his shirt expands and he turns into this creature that looks like a fluffy teddy bear. a hideous fluffy teddy bear. one of these days, i'm going to buy 500 dozens of balloons and rub it against cotton. then i'm going to stuff all the balloons inside his office. when he enters in the morning... wham! fucking static baby!!! yeah!
then there was this time i got rudely evicted from my office. yeah! evicted! like i fucking pay rent to work there! apparently some lady on a power trip who looks like a fucking frog decided to move my things to the other room while i was out on field work. when i got back, all my things were just piled up. was i pissed? of course. i wanted to take my box of push pins and just shove it in her rotten vagina. oh, i know it's rotten because a vagina's is directly proportional to how a woman looks. and that woman looks like ALF. yeah, complete with the 80's hair sprayed do and all, only she has a longer chin. one of these days i'm going to take that old office photocopier on the roof of our office and patiently wait for that bitch to come out the front door. when she comes out, i'll push the damn thing over the ledge. SPLAT! ha! how's that for an office transfer, bitch!!!
oh, okay, where the fuck was i? yeah, about me being too busy to post. which is actually about me not having a damn topic to post in this stupid blog. posting something that says you're "too busy" to post would just be too cliche and fucking idiotic. you're not too busy, you just don't know what to write about. seriously, if you were too busy, guess what, you wouldn't be writing a fucking post about how busy you were because you'd be busy getting busy with whatever busy business is in making your life so busy. got that? good. fucking good. because one of these days, i won't be "too busy" and i'll get my mojo back and i'll be blogging again. like my life depended on it. like i've never blogged before.
***
PLUG:
oh, remember hermie the hermaphrodite? of course you do. i know i do. well, he/she made an entire post dedicated to me. actually he/she was suppose to make fun of me for four hours straight. that was the deal. but hermie only managed to come up with a 4-minute blah-blah about me. actually, it's a 22-minute blah-blah if you're a poor illiterate fuck. anyway, how did this happen? well, i asked for it. in a form of a comment. and hermie gladly obliged. i said please and he/she said yes, and we just kinda had a moment. right there. eewww.
go check the hermaphrodite out and ask him/her if he/she can make fun of you too. yeah, go there. because i'm tired of making use of "/" everytime i talk about the bitch. one of these days, i'm gonna stop using the "/" and just call everybody gay. do we even have a pronoun for gays?
i'm out.
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