before you read on, read this first. yeah. read it. because i won't be fucking responsible if you don't have a fucking clue of what i'm talking about here.
***
before i continue. i'd like to announce that this blog turned one last september. yep. this blog is one year old. and to me, i think that is a test of a true blogger. clearly, you've gone past the point of no return once you've hit one. right? right? i don't know.
somehow, i found it really strange... i mean, really really strange, that i didn't have a single post last september. it was like the perfect time to alienate all my readers. but i didn't plan that to happen. honest.
so, yeah. no celebrations. no confetti. no champagne. no cheesy tributes. and most of all, no "the best of..." clips. because i really hate that shit, y'know. a tv show turns one or hits a milestone and they waste an episode by showing their "the best of..." clips. that's bullshit. i'd rather go out, buy a six-pack, and sit in front of the tv smoking cigs, drinking beer, and eating pork rind. i'm pathetic, i know.
so if you're still there and you want to wish me a happy blogga-versary or something. go ahead. i'd say thank you. then i'd ask you to stand up with me, raise our glasses and say... "the man behind this stupid blog is a marketing asshole!!!"
***
i also like to announce that i'm now officially wearing prescription glasses. do i hate it? i love it! i love it as much as i love having a root canal! contacts? no, im too clumsy and stupid to maintain contacts. so i opted for specs. good thing i got a great deal for one those hip wiretap frames. that way i won't look too much like the ugly oaf that i already am.
***
so here it is. the real reason why i haven't blogged for the past eleven years or so. the real reason why most you guys are pissed off at me right now. the real reason i lost my virginity. it's not really big, but what the fuck, right? drumroll please...
i'm involved in a project and that project is... another drumroll please...
more please....
more please....
a bit more, please...
it is a local tv talk show.
so what? big deal. as if you care. go ahead, i'll give you a couple of minutes to laugh your ass off and collect yourself before i continue.
you done?
good.
so i really am making one. honest. and i'd be the host and the creative director of it, too. honest.
remember that day, sometime early this year (i think), when i announced that a friend of mine and i got together and discussed this talk show. yes, that day. yes, that talk show. this is it.
that's why i haven't been doing much writing here. because i've been writing segment scripts and spiels and shit. i've been busy planning with the creative team. my own creative team... who's basically just a bunch of my funny friends, all five of them. we've been brainstorming since august. then there's the logo for the show, the name, the venue, the performers, the guests, the bands, the shoot dates, the tentative launch, the facial, the makeup, the wardrobe, the set, the this, the that... fuck i'm going out of my mind right now! i'm excited. i feel like i'm 16 again. well, maybe not.
and to answer some of your questions. yes, it is my show. i did say earlier that i'll be the host and the damn creative director, didn't i? why don't you believe me?
yes, the show's going to be a one hour weekly. it'll be on fridays at 9 or 11 in the evening, i think. it won't be aired live. but we will tape it with a live audience. there will be no laugh tracks and shit like that. every episode i'll interview two guests (local celebs and shit), then we'll have a guest band, then three to four segments (at least one will be done in front of the studio audience, the others will be taped).
the show will be aired locally. by locally, i mean, it will be initially aired just in this city where i live. then we'll be slowly syndicating it to other cable companies, or something like that. what channel will it be on? it will be on this new cable channel that my partner is part of that'll be launched sometime in november. so, we'll be doing a segment and studio shoots by the end of the month. then we'll be airing the show about two weeks after the channel has been launched.
yes, we will be the first locally-produced show that will be launched on the channel. yes, we will be heading the channel's program list. am i pressured? you bet your smelly ass i am! shit! i've been having irritable and loose bowel movement for two months now!
am i concerned about how i look on tv? yes. because i'm an ugly, uneloquent mess. but i'm vying for the ugliest tv talk show host award, anyway. so why the fuck worry, right? but i do need a serious make-over. so anyone out there with a kind soul.. please sign me up for "queer eye." wait, i also need a new job. then sign me up for "the apprentice" too. shit. when did become such a tv whore???
how many people do you think will watch the show every week? well, roughly there are about 250,000 warm bodies that inhabit this city. my most educated and calculated guess would be.. uhm.. about eight viewers. five if we put out a really really shitty episode.
my first guests? one of the city's councilors. yes, a politician. and from what i heard, she's a very hot MILF! schwing! the other will be "the" legendary rock icon of this country. kinda like britain's john lenon. yeah, that big!
will i quit my job for this show? no. not yet. well, it all depends after the first season (13 episodes in 3 months). it's safe to say that in the next 6 months or so, i'd be practicing the "sex and cash theory." well, the theory postulates that you can strike the perfect balance between something you really love (sex) and something that pays the bills (cash). so, no. i won't be quitting my job. not yet.
will the show affect this blog? well, it has already affected this blog. and for that, i'm sorry.
{cue inspirational soundtrack}
all i ask is for you guys to understand me. remember when you were young and people ask you about what you want to be when you grow up? i never answered a doctor, or a pilot, or an astronaut, or an educator, or a fireman. all i answered was i wanted to be someone who can influence people's perception on things. well, this is it. the show. it is an opportunity for me and my friends to influence perception and really fuck up some minds!!! yeah!
so that's that. i'll be coming in here every now and then... say, about twice a week to update you guys of our lame show. and of course, to give you your usual dose of ... dose of... i don't even know what i give you guys.
so hang in there, please.
oh, the name of the show?
fat chance, fucker! i can't tell you that. not yet.
//i'm out.
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