"... so it's friday. so fucking what?"
"... yahoo! education's word for the day: replete. means full, abundant. well, let's use it then. i'll start, ahem, ahem... you're so replete of shit!!!"
"... what the fuck is wrong with this radio station? it has the same song played on a loop for about forty minutes now. something's terribly wrong here. maybe somebody entered the booth and murdered the DJ. i hope somebody entered the booth and murdered the DJ. honestly, i do."
"...i have this idea for a movie. yeah, my life! i'm sure you've thought of that, too. that your life would somehow be a great story for a movie someday. what's pathetic though is that it's the only reason you don't commit suicide. yeah, you like to reach the age of 50 or something. why? because you think by that age you'd somehow end up successful and it would make a dramatic and heart-warming ending to your feelgood movie. bullshit! wake up, because jerry fucking maguire ain't real!"
"... my last post about engineers didn't do well in terms of comments. which can only mean one thing. majority of my readers are engineers. and i have offended them. sweet!"
"... i was in a packed elevator the other day. i noticed a girl gave me that look. y'know, that look that says: 'shit, why did i have to stand next to this guy?' it was fucking fascinating. just then i had the urge to pick my nose in front of her. but i didn't. i hate elevators."
"...i don't wear sunglasses indoors. i don't talk on my cell phone for 14 hours a day. i don't have a blackberry or an XDA. i'm not trendy. i don't even know what that motherfucking word means. i don't drive a BMW, in fact, i don't even own a car."
"... i like giving doofy smiles to strangers. i like it more if i get to watch them freak out because of my doofy smile."
"...i don't own one piece of nice clothing. in my fabulous collection of stupid, lame, moronic t-shirts, there's one suit. y'know that one suit a boy buys in high school? the suit that's supposed to make him a man?
yeah, that's my one suit. and it doesn't fit anymore. as a result, my director / co-producer is having a hard time finding me a sponsor for my wardrobe."
"wouldn't it be great if we could just slap each other's palms with shit everytime we shake hands? like everytime we meet new people: 'hi, my name is, A. {splat..shake...shake... shake.. shake.. wipeoff} and you are? oh, my name is john. {splat..shake...shake... shake.. shake.. wipeoff} i'm the new neighbor.' suburban hipocrisy, i swear. anyway, shit, right. of course, we'd all have to wear cologne to somehow fight the smell. then the cologne smell will be infused with the shit smell and we'll all end up having this weird semi-european smell. that would be fun fun fun!"
//i'm out.
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