merryl streep never looked so delicious! uh-huh!this is not about the movie.
i haven't seen it. i'm too stupid to see dark comedies peppered with wit and sarcasm. i don't get them. and i love fashion as much as i'd love to have eight dentists suck raw nerves out of my jaw. yeah, that's fashion for me in a nutshell. eight jewish dentists sucking raw nerves through my lower-left second molar. now i'm not anti-semitic. i'm actually anit-mel gibson.
but i loved braveheart. and the lethal weapon franchise. i actually liked joe pesci there. oh, and don't forget mad max. wicked, rad hair. ah, mad max. the passion of the christ would've been better if mel played... well, christ. but he just had to direct it, didn't he? he just had to.
mel-gib (his street name) speaks good hebrew, though. believe me, he does. especially when he's drunk and babbles hebraic verses to pick up hot blondes half his age. yes, the hebraic charm works all the time with all the "ankh..anschkl..skhkach" phlegm-atic-phonetic sounds there. hebrews actually have 164 vowels. true. i bet you didn't know that, huh?
and with that, ladies and gentlemen, i would like to say:
hey, turds! i'm back. and i love you all!
back from a month-long battle with testicular cancer.
well, not really. i just think that having testicular cancer would be a cute excuse for not being here. ain't it a cute excuse? me thinks so.
so i haven't been here. boo-fucking-hoo! so what? it's no reason to hate on me. because i've been to your fucking blogs and i've been commenting and spewing venomous comments here and there and you never come here and you still ask me why i don't fucking post. you don't come here and you still know i'm not posting? how the fuck does that work? no, seriously. it's like i'm telepathically channeling my lack of blog updates or something.
you know why i know you haven't been here. because i actually posted about a month ago and i generated like 8 comments, which is pretty acceptable at this day and age. but my inbox records at least 10 more emails asking me to post.
i'm like, you haven't even visited the damn place, how do you know i haven't posted you demanding slug? you have? well, where the fuck is your comment then?
none. nada. zero.
look, if you want to be friends, then at least leave a mark when you come in here. because i get off on comments pretty fast. uh-huh. i don't care what you do... pee on the door or something, just leave a mark. that way, when i wake up in the morning and check this pathetic blog i can smell your piss and say, "hmm... emilio's been here and he's asking me to update this blog to make his empty life more meaningful. i'll do it!" (ta-daan!)
and who the fuck names their children "emilio" anyway. that's just wrong.
//i'm out.
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