i only have a few minutes to spare before my batteries run out. so i'll just ramble random thoughts off my brain. please join me.
:: reading my original blog (paningit.blogspot.com), the one i started back in 2004 (back when blogging was still both an exact science and a pure art form.. whatever the fuck that means)... i can't imagine how much i have evolved. i started off as a polite young man, just baring my views and and my personal take on things for all the world to read. then i turned into a rampaging, swearing narcissist (where i did my best works by the way). and now, this, a mellowed down rampaging, swearing cynic. what the hell happened. it's like i never lost my angst but i lost my capacity to say "asswipe, fucktard, and shitface" in a matter of three years. change can't be that radical. can it?
:: my capacity to misspell and mistype (if there's such a word) remained consistent through the years, though.
:: i have to apologize to my left brain. yes. my left brain. the hemisphere that controls my right hand, analysis, logic, and math. i haven't been using him as much lately. i think he's jealous of my right brain. yeah, the so-called creative side. so when someone accused me of being stupid in math (about a month and a half ago)... lefty laughed at me so hard i heard a vein pop in my head. yes. i've been wrongfully accused. people who really know me, though, wouldn't even think of that. they'd know better. way better. ha! so i have to apoligize to my left brain. sorry, lefty. sorry if you felt neglected for the past couple of years. i'd like you to know that i'm contemplating of going back to graduate school really soon. and me and righty couldn't do that by ourselves. we need you. i promise to speak more in maths in the coming days.
:: and to go back to graduate school, i need a change in my present situation. a major change. a life-altering, tectonic-plate-shifting change. i need to find a better situation. a better place. some place where i am actually wanted and i can run free to be myself. well... i can't actually run.. but you get the point. some place where i can shout at the top of my lungs and say "fuck, i need a smoke and a drink!" and there'd be no judging eyes staring at me. some other place. not this. i'd be doing myself and my family a great disservice if i don't do something about it real soon.
well, that's all for now. ciao, f*ckers!
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