my greatest blogging fear

wanna know my greatest blogging fear? i mean, it's not like you have a choice here, other than closing this window, that is.

no, no, no. it's not knowing that people don't read what you write. i started out way. i never worried about that. hey, i have a lot of family and friends who read junk.

my greatest fear is becoming a mommy blog. yep. a mommy blog. the term alone has a creepy tone to it. i practically shiver everytime i hear that term. mommy blog. yikes.

what is a mommy blog? basically, mommy blogs are blogs maintained by moms (married, separated, single, dead, alive, i don't know). whatever their status is, they should be moms. that's the first requirement for being a mommy blog. second is, they write all about their kids, family, little leagues, pta meetings, diaper rashes, homeworks, breastfeeding vs. bottlefeeding debates, and other shit most moms and guys with families can relate to. in other words, they're like the blog equivalent of oprah.

jesus fucking christ!!! oprah... that lady freaks me out! it's like she made a deal with the devil or something. pieces of evidence:
(1) she goes from fat (meaning extremely obese) to thin (meaning slightly obese) and back to fat all in one season.
(2) one season in tv is equal to 13 weeks. 13 weeks! 13! the number is somehow connected to the occult, doesn't it?!
(3) she's one of the richest (a fucking billionaire!) and most influential persons in the world.
(4) and she's black! goddamn! she did sign a deal with the devil!!!

but somehow, i must admit, oprah does inspire me from time time. she makes me believe that fat and unacttractive people can actually succeed as talkshow hosts... if you make a deal with the devil, that is.

where was i? oh yeah, mommy blogs, right.

so these mommy blogs discuss oprah issues over at their.. er.. blogs, mostly minus those emotion-filled (and downright cheesy!) dr. phil sessions in between. if you've ever seen one, you'll notice that it's kinda cute in the beginning. after reading three posts, now that's where the trouble begins. you get nauseated at first, then you vomit. you get tired of reading lines like:

"trisha said her first word today. she said dew-dee. it's so cute, it made me want to cry." dew-dee?! i hate to break it to you, lady, but that ain't a word. where the fuck did you go to school anway? in a "windtalker" institute? jeez! and yeah, keep encouraging that kind of blabber from your 10-month old kid and i guarantee you'll be crying by the time she reaches first grade and all she could say is "dew-dee." dew-fucking-dee!

going back to my fear. i'm somehow concerned that i may end up like this, being a father of two kids and all. yeah. i may someday run out of things to rant about and start looking at the world around me and see nothing but cotton-candy clouds, and rainbows, and sunflowers, and yadda-yadda-yadda. that's what scares me.

however, there are signs that i won't be a mommy blog. a few months back, my four-year old daughter told me about this local children's story about the ant and grasshopper. they discussed it in school she said.

if you're filipino, i know you know this story. you don't? you retarded? oh okay, it's about the ant who spent all summer toiling and working hard so he can save food that can last him throughout the rainy season. he collected bread crumbs and sugar granules everyday, all summer. the grasshopper on the other hand, had fun all summer (that's what we're suppose to do anyway, right?), he played, and hopped, and played, and hopped some more(hey, he's a grasshopper, give 'em a break). so when the rainy days came, the ant was safe inside his little hole full of food, while the grasshopper starved... to death? i don't know.

so i told my kid, the story was nothing but baloney! what really happened was, when the rainy days came, the ant had diabetes because of all the sugar he had during the summer; and the grasshopper had arthritis and rheumatism because he busted his knees hopping and hopping all summer long.

my kid gave me a weird look. she protested that that was not the story her teacher told.

i gave her a smile and turned around. and there was her mother, at my back, she also had that weird look on her face. it occured to me that she was there listening all the while to how i viciously distorted the story that supposedly taught the values of hardwork and perseverance to my kid.

shit!

the day ended with my wife straightening out the story to my kid, while they had cookies and milk. i, on the other hand, watched tv and held an ice pack over a lump on my forehead.

what do you know... maybe i won't morph into an annoying mommy blog afterall.

and oh, in case you're wondering, there's no such thing as a "daddy blog." but dude, how do we refer to blogs made by dads that discuss oprah issues too? you refer to them as mommy blogs also. why? because "daddy blogs" are nothing but mommy blogs with testicles. how about blogs made by dads but don't discuss oprah issues in their posts, how do we call them? you simply call them blogs made by dads who have way too much time to waste... like me.

i'm out.