i remember just last december (or was it january), a certain reader (i forgot the name, i'm truly sorry. an accident happened remember? all my previous posts got erased) suggested that i change my closing line from "i'm out" to "late." he offered an explanation. he said that saying "i'm out" gives this image of me being knocked out in a boxing match. really?
i asked the guy, isn't it we'd say "later" rather than "late" whenever we say goodbye? he said no, and offered another explanation. he said he always mingles with americans, and hispanics, and black people, and they always use "late." he then offered that if ever i needed help on any american english slangs, i should ask him. really? oh what joy! a walking, breathing dictionary of american english slangs! he should come in handy during cocktail parties. again, i'm not very good at pretending. thank god "N" was there to save the day. thanks "N!"
now, another friend of mine, mike dlp (yeah, the michael jordan fanatic) offered yet another critic on my closing line. he asked why the hell i end my blogs with a ryan seacrest-like "i'm out."
very clever, mike. very clever. why?
well... jesus fucking christ in the mall!!! i don't fucking know, mike!
maybe because the moon is made of cheese. maybe because cher dumped bono. maybe because the earth's rotation on its axis gets misaligned by one second every 16 years. maybe because it's the year of the rooster. maybe because i watch american idol and masturbate on paula abdul. maybe because the pope is about to die. maybe because i haven't had enough coffee for the past 72 hours. maybe because i was asked to bend over to pick up the soap. maybe because i was hit that hard by the bell when i was young. i don't fucking know!
but whatever the reason is, it's not about that blowjob artist seacrest. goddamnit! don't you think i deserve better than being asked by these stupid, out of the ass questions?! and who the fuck is ryan seacrest anyway? yeah i know he's gay because judging from the smile he has on his website, it looks like he likes dicks a lot. but who the fuck is he, huh?
ooohhh... look at me. i'm ryan seacrest. i'm the host of american idol. i have perfect teeth. i have a magnetic smile. and my last name's sooooo cooooool! SEACREST! it's soooo underwater action hero. sooooooooo justice league! SEACREST! and that fat guy, paningit, had the nerves to plagarize my closing line in the show. oh, did i already say i host the show american idol. oh wow! it's like the coooolest show on the planet! we get to choose the next american recording bust! oh what fun! plus i get the chance to get screwed by simon and randy in the ass every after episode... at the dressing room of course. i'm blushing here. gosh.
shut the fuck up asswipe! as far as i'm concerned, you don't sound like an underwater action hero. you sound like a toothpaste. yah heard me? a fucking toothpaste!!!
(pause: mild aneurysm)
ok, i'm calm. whew! that was the most workout i had in a year. thanks mike!
so you think my closing line is a bit ryan seacrest-ish eh? so what do you guys suggest i say? i'm giving you guys til sunday to come up with a witty closing line for the paningit blog, that is, if you're annoyed with "i'm out" that much.
seacrest? fuck that bitch! i'm out!
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