smile

i had a nice conversation with an officemate a while ago during our break at the canteen.

so i'm eating my sandwich and he comes out of nowhere and asks, "how's that sandwich treating you?" i said, "bad. pretty bad, man." then he says, "y'know what? you should smile more often. it'll help build a better atmosphere around you. people around you will feel a lot better if you smile." then i said, "you may find it hard to believe, but this is me (with a straight face) smiling." then he said, "ok." then he gives me this smile and a pat at the back.

what the fuck was that?!

hey shitbreath! have i got a suggestion for you! why don't you just back off and mind your own business! i'll fuckin' smile when i want to! i won't go walking around the office acting like pee-wee herman and smiling at everyone i see just because i'd like to create "a better atmosphere." i'm in a funk, okay. i'm not in the mood, okay. i'm human. human beings are allowed an infinitisemal number of times to have days like these. i won't smile for anyone, anyday, anytime if i don't feel like it. besides, the sandwich was really bad.

okay. i was a bit harsh back there. what do you say we start over. let's make a deal. i'll smile everyday. i'll smile even if i don't feel like doing it. i'll do it. even on really bad days... i mean 9/11 bad. i'll just have to tape my cheeks apart to my ears. yah happy now?! oh, but here's the other end of the deal, earwax! listen up and listen good. i'd have to squeeze your head everyday with a vice grip until it pops. so, is that a deal or what? believe me, the day your head pops, i'd be smiling the rest of my life.

i hate annoying people. oh man! someday... my foot and your ass will meet... someday.

i'm out.