i got shitloads of work to do and my mind keeps wandering off into space.
i hate it. totally hate it. it's like i'm sick with A.D.D... yeah i have focus issues. so what? let me tell you something. way back when i was a little kid, i used to go to this place called... oooohhhhh, what's this? it's my stapler! yay!
:: if given a chance, and by "chance" i mean i could do such thing without being put behind bars, i'd like beat up every mime and clown i'd see on the street, in a circus, in a birthday party, in a play, and in the goddamn bathroom!
:: i'd to take the world's timeline in my hands and just rip the whole decade of the 80's off it. yeah! that would be just super! because the 80's sucked! except of course for the cure, and the clash, and elvis costello, and the showtime lakers, and the laker girls (schwing!), and wrestlemania, ... okay, okay. so not everything about the 80's sucked. but most of it did: like the big hair, the hairspray, cindy lopper, glam rock, knight rider, growing pains, moonlighting, the cosby show, acid washed jeans, tele evangelists, spiral notebooks, vanilla ice, milli vanilli, lionel richie, rick ashley, band aid, the whole "we are the world fuckin' fiasco and how much we'd like to feed africa" bullshit, punky brewster, small wonder, the untalented fatass meatloaf, and of course, TONY DANZA. fuck! i hate tony danza! so here's what i'd like to do. i'd like to gather all these fuckers of the 80's and put them all in a garbage bag. then i'd eat all day and take a big dump in the bag in the evening. then i'll tie it up and leave the bag in the middle of the freeway where it can be run over by some sleepy truck driver. ha! that'll be super! WOOT!
:: and i hate the word woot. i'm not sure if it's even a word. and i don't know what it means because i'm a dumbass. and besides, everytime i say woot! i feel like a goddamn owl. or a turkey. depends on the time of the day actually. woot! woot! woot! what the fuck does it mean???
:: sometimes i really have this great idea of blowing up the moon. that'd be great! there'd be no more tides to push us around and no more "moonlight" to turn people into werewolves. what would be our source of light at night? i don't know. use a goddanmn flashlight!!! but then again, a lot of people would disagree because the light from a full moon could be so romantic. ah yes. romance... belch! haven't you been paying attention in your science class when you were a kid? the moon doesn't have light. it just reflects the sun's rays. got it? good. in that case, problem solved. you want romance? you want the sun's rays reflected on the earth at night? then i say we build a gigantic robot replica of michael buble's head and launch it into orbit! that'll do the trick. but that's lame. let's build a giant robot monkey head and call it "spanky" instead. woot!
:: and if i were the ruler of the universe, i'd make AB the pope! and he doesn't even have to be catholic. why? because i said so.
i'm out.
No comments:
Post a Comment