my daughter has been reading since she was four. she's turning six next month. so it's safe to assume that her comprehension and vocabulary vastly improved in the past two years. another thing, the materials she's been reading has started to pique her curiousity.
and being the catholics that we are (shit!), she's been reading bible story books these past few weeks. yeah, those damn books with large pictures of a bearded, celibate jesus that her damn godparents gave her. damn! why the fuck would they give a kid bible story books? those things can mess up a kid's mind... believe me, i know.
anyway, last week she something about the "virgin mary." so she asked me what the fuck a "virgin" was. of course she didn't say fuck.
i didn't answer right away... because i was watching a conan o'brien rerun (i know, i don't have a life). but the truth was, i didn't know how to answer her at all. so she asked me again.
"dad, what's a virgin?"
"well.. uhm.. you see, honey... a virgin is someone who never had, y'know..."
"no, i don't."
"well, a virgin is... erm.. she never got it down with... uhm..."
"down with what dad?"
"well, a virgin is..."
i was frozen for a good ten minutes. like the PC guy in those clever Mac ads. goddamnit, those ads are hilarious. anyway, i knew i was fucked, so i had to push the emergency button.
"well, honey, a virgin is... look! a giraffe!!!"
"where dad?"
then i ran away as fast as i could.
and that, ladies and gentlemen, is how i get out of tight situations.
let me just say that i blame the catholic church for two things. those are (1) making parenting very hard and (2) having dysfunctional families around the world. why the fuck don't they just tell the truth? that mary wasn't actually a virgin and she got banged pretty good by that carpenter named joseph. instead, what they're trying to promote is a celibate father and a virgin mother who had children!!! no wonder families are so screwed.
fuck the catholic church!
//i'm out.
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