i'm 25 - out of shape, balding, ugly, and contented

the one question that people has been asking me practically every damn day in november was.."so how old are you?" so i respond by telling the truth, "25." their reaction... people would usually burst into laughter, or would ask me again, this time reminding me to tell the truth.

what the fuck?

yes, i know, i look older... or as some of them would "politely" say... look "more mature" for my age. well, i didn't really mind their reactions. take note, i said "didn't." when it was asked three or four times... but when you are asked at the rate of three or four times a day... well, it gets annoying.

so what, i look 33, so what? my face and my posture has weathered a lot. maybe a hell lot more than most 40-year olds have endured. but i'm not all of a sudden going to try to be more conscious of my looks. i haven't for the past 25 years, why start? i'm not going to turn into something i'm not.. like them.. what's the term.. oh yeah... "metrosexuals."

jeepers! i'm into vanity as much as i'm into okra for chrissakes! besides, i'm not built that way.

and so to this i say:

"this is who i am... i'll look the way i want to look... i'll speak the way i want to speak... i'll sit, stand and walk the way i want to sit, stand and walk... because i'm comfortable... i know i'm smart... i know i'm capable.. and most of all... i am free in all the ways that you are not."

now i ask my gods to please:

"rescue me... deliver me... deliver me from being infected with the virus known as metrosexuality... deliver me from clear skin... deliver me from perfect teeth... may i never be complete... may i never be beautiful... may i never be perfect... and please... hit me as hard as you can."

i'm out.

drop it

a friend of mine and i had a discussion a while ago. it was one of them discussions that really goes nowhere. yes... of men and women, differences, double standards, prejudices, stereotypes and stuff. well, it actually started out when i reacted to several materials posted on my friendster bulletin board. some ladies posted in succession materials about how men are like this and like that... compared us to dogs and frogs and stuff. i thought it was manhaters' day or something. so we had this discussion... and we eventually dropped it because she said no answer can really satisfy the debate (was that a debate?). there was practically no point in it, with our answers being neither right or wrong. and besides, we were not even sure if we were asking the appropriate questions, nor we were sure if we have set the appropriate parameters to discuss the topic.

but i tell you, i hate feminists (especially hardcore, narrow-minded ones) as much as i hate male chauvinists.

all in all, well... why can't we just get along? why the widening of the great divide between men and women? why can't we just find the middle ground?

i'll never know. maybe not in this lifetime.

i'm out.

wallets

these days are so depressing.

take a breather for a minute. just stop whatever you're doing and put your life on pause for a while. look around you. do you see it? look harder. no, i'm not talking about that morbidly obese man walking down the street. no, i'm not talking about that smelly pencil on your desk that you just chewed and severed. and i'm not even talking about your boss, or your wife, or your husband, or your anyone for that matter... it's just this "thing" we have right now... how everyone is measured... and not just measured by the way, but also defined... by the contents of thier wallets.

we, as a race and as a species, evolved into this depressing and pathetic bunch. the next thing we know we can be indifferent, then lethargic, then comes extinction. did you know that one of the more scientific / logical theories that explained how the dinosaurs went extinct was lethargy. funny, looks like we're taking the same route.

i'm out.

been out

sorry. no new posts lately... been out of town for the past four days or so. yes it was work. and yes, work is a four-letter word. but it's half-past-three in the morning here... i just got off a six-and-a-half-hour bus ride. and got off a plane before that. i've had no decent sleep, no dinner, and it's freezing cold here. i've got no one to talk to. the only sounds i here are the clicking of my keyboard and the waterpump in my aquarium, that looks like a sewer. my brain is dead. i've got nothing else to say.

i'm out.

impressed?

how do you impress the impressed? you can't... or more logically, you don't because you never will. what do you do? you sit down and hope that you outlive them, just to have the opportunity to dance at their funeral.

i'm out.

lyrics

"they are words spoken and intertwined between notes and harmonies. they speak to our soul." - a chinese proverb.

only a handful of artists can make compelling lyrics that provoke emotion... these are just some of my favorites:

:: the cure - a letter to elise
"oh elise it doesn't matter what you say/ i just can't stay here every yesterday/ like keep on acting out the same the way we act out/ every way to smile forget/ and make-believe we never needed/ any more than this/ any more than this..."

:: the cure - just like heaven
"daylight licked me into shape/ i must have been asleep for days/ and moving lips to breathe her name/ i opened up my eyes/ and found myself alone alone/ alone above a raging sea/ that stole the only girl iloved/and drowned her deep inside of me..."

:: rachel yamagata - worn me down
"worn me down like a road/ i did anything you told/ worn me down to my knees/ i did anything to please/ but you can't stop thinking about her/ no you can't stop thinking about her..."

:: coldplay - in my place
"in my place, in my place/ were lines that i couldn't change/ i was lost, oh yeah/ i was lost, i was lost/ crossed lines i shouldn't have crossed/ i was lost, oh yeah/ how long must you wait for him?/ i was scared, i was scared/ tired and underprepared/ but i wait for you/ if you go, if you go/ leaving me here on my own/ well i wait for you..."

:: bob marley - redemption song
"emancipate yourselves from mental slavery/ none but ourselves can free our minds/ have no fear for atomic energy/ ’cause none of them can stop the time/ how long shall they kill our prophets/ while we stand aside and look?/ some say it’s just a part of it/ we’ve got to fulfil the book..."

:: radiohead - fake plastic trees
"her green plastic watering can/ for her fake chinese rubber plant/ in fake plastic earth/ that she bought from a rubber man/ in a town full of rubber plans/ just to get rid of itself/ and it wears her out..."

:: the beatles (aka gods) - you've got to hide your love away
"here i stand head in hand/ turn my face to the wall/ if she’s gone i can’t go on/ feelin’ two-foot small/ everywhere people stare/ each and every dayi can see them laugh at me/ and i hear them say/ hey you’ve got to hide your love away..."

:: smashing pumpkins - bullet with butterfly wings
"tell me i’m the only one/ tell me there’s no other one/ jesus was an only son/ tell me i’m the chosen one/ jesus was an only son for you..."

:: elvis costello - this is hell
""my favourite things" are playing/ again and again/ but it's by julie andrews/and not by john coltrane/ endless balmy breezes and perfect sunsets framed/ vintage wine for breakfast/ and naked starlets floating in champagne/ this is hell, this is hell/ i am sorry to tell you/ it never gets better or worse/ but you get used to it after a spell/ for heaven is hell in reverse..."

:: counting crows - mr. jones
"i will paint my picture/ paint myself in blue and red and black and grey/ all of the beautiful colors are very very meaningful/ grey is my favorite color/ i felt so symbolic yesterday/ if i knew picasso/ i would buy myself a grey guitar and play..."

:: teenage fanclub - verisimilitude
"i've got a pocketful of words in my brain/ i'll try to find something i can give to you/ i feel like i'm going insane/ i know i'll calm down when i live with you..."

:: teenage fanclub - tears
"there's no future so don't fake it/ don't know if you're going to make it/ when everything becomes unclear/ you're tired and you're broken/ you're true feelings remain unspoken/ you couldn't hide behind your name/ you're excited and ecstatic/ you're exit was so dramatic/ when all your passion disappeared/ you're no sucker so don't blow it/ you're succeeding but you don't know it/ you've got to turn yourself around..."

that's enough poetry for today... i'm out.

weird guy

late this afternoon i went to benguet general hospital (that's in la trinidad) to visit my uncle. unluckily though, i was there an hour before visiting hours started. so i patiently sat outside, smoking, while waiting for three o'clock.

twenty minutes into my waiting, a guy approached me and asked if he could bother for a light. i obliged and took out my zippo lighter. "whoa! nice lighter," he said. "thanks," i replied.

the guy was large like me (by large i mean someone having vital statistics of 40-40-40), about my age, about 5'8", with messed up hair, wore a red shirt, black shorts, and slippers. he was eating a bag of cheeze curls. and judging by the amount of cheeze curls crumbs spread over his mouth and fingers, he was enjoying the treat. he offered me some but i politely said no. he then sat beside me and started talking. he said that he wasn't really enjoying the cheeze curls and added he'd rather have a combination of ice cream (ube flavor) and marlboro reds instead. i wasn't asking about it, but he said it anyway. maybe just to get the conversation going. weird guy i tell you.

then he started to ask about me. what i was doing there? i said i was there to visit my uncle but was an hour early. he said he was there because his 8-month old kid was sick. where am i from? i said i'm based in baguio, but was born in mandaluyong. he said he was born in kalentong, grew up in quezon city, but was relocated to los baños, laguna, before settling here in benguet four years ago because he got married. he also asked about my work. i said i work for an energy company as their press/public relations guy. "that's cool," he said. i never asked him anything though.

he then asked me why i was in baguio, being born in mandaluyong and all. well i explained that both my parents were both working and nobody was available to look after me. we were living in makati then. so my grandma (mother's side) brought me to baguio. he then asked me if i ever imagined what it would've been had i stayed in makati. well i said, all my friends in our neighborhood in makati are either dead, a junkie, or unemployed, so maybe i'd be one of them too. he agreed, nodding incessantly, while munching on what's left of his stash of cheeze curlz.

he then asked me if i knew his friend.. a certain bienvenido.. i don't know.. i really didn't catch the name. he then named dropped another one, and i still said their names didn't ring a bell. he said those guys were two of his closest friends in quezon city. they're now in jail because they were convicted of the murder of this certain lady. he said it was the san pablo massacre. he then narrated that this bienvenido courted this lady but was never given a chance. the guy, being a spoiled rich brat and all, abducted the lady and while at the car, shot her in the body five times, stabbed her in the face ten times, and cracked her skull with a baseball bat. they then dumped her body at the highway near carmona, cavite.

"ok," i said ".. that was quite a story." but he didn't stop there. he said he was planning to visit the guys this december and talk about the "good-ol'-days" they had. he remembered the time when the three of them were addicted to shabu (crack). while on it, being the entreprenuers he claimed they are, they'd sell the same stuff to friends and kids (talking about 13 year-olds here). other than that, he said that on occassion, he and his friends would drive around town and run over unsuspecting beggars and hobos. they take their dead bodies and put them in the trunk and take them to what he referred to as the "pier" where their contacts (i don't know if these are doctors) are standing by to "butcher" and "dismember" the bodies and salvage good, functioning internal organs (liver, heart, spleen, kidneys). he said he and his friends earned a hefty sum from this... enough to sustain their parties and caprices for months.

just as i was starting to gross out, i looked at my cellphone and saw that it was three. so i said to him i was going to my uncle's room. before that, he asked for another light. i said see you around. he said yeah. weird, i never got his name though.

i'm out.

nba brawl

last night i saw what the rest of the basketball fans around the world saw... the lowest point ever in the history of the nba. with 45.9 seconds left in the game, the indiana pacers ahead by 12 i think, the pacers' ron artest (the nba's resident bad boy) committed a hard foul on the detroit pistons' ben wallace (the nba's resident bad face and bad hair). wallace, visibly upset with the foul with that much time remaining (artest should've just let that one go.. the game was beyond reach anyway), and obviously frustrated with the impending loss, confronted artest and shoved him in the face.

the so-called "cooler" heads of both camps got in between them to prevent what could've been a UFC title bout. wallace, however, was still fired up, jawing at artest and the rest of his crew (tinsley, o'neal, jackson, miller).. while artest just calmly, and arrogantly flattened his back on the scorer's table. that's when one of the pistons' fans (i was hoping it was kid rock) threw a cup full of beer and ice at artest. that triggered the "mike tyson" in artest.. he absolutely went berzerk.. he stormed through the stands and started throwing fists, then jackson got in the fray, and so did o'neal. some fans stormed the court and were floored by o'neal. the brawl ended with the image of the whole pacers team being escorted to their dugouts with bottles, cans, popcorns, and what-not being thrown at them like confetti at a fiesta.

what do i have to say about this mess? just three things actually:

1. the players should always (and by always i mean both on and off the court) be professionals.

2. fans should restrain themselves. frustration should never be an excuse to be barbaric. it's basketball for chrissakes! it's not like gladiators being fed to the lions here! we got to restore some order and dignity back to the sport.

3. and lastly, and this is the most important of 'em all.. so listen up... LONG LIVE THE LOS ANGELES LAKERS AND KOBE BRYANT IS THE GREATEST PLAYER EVER ON THE PLANET!

what does item no. 3 have to do with the brawl between the pacers and pistons. nothing.. nothing at all. i told you before hadn't i? i'm a fan. so if you're not down with that... then shoo!

i'm out.

definitions

last night in class, we were in, what caster calls, a levelling-off session. to set the tone and mood for the whole semester, caster asked us to bring a piece of paper and write down the top 3 words / phrases that we commonly associate with the key words she'll give. here are my answers:

item 1: keyword = gender.
answers: female, male, everything else in between

item 2: keyword = sexuality
answers: comfort, choice, difference

item 3: keyword = sex
answers: yes, please, why not?

later on we discussed the definitions of each term. i'd say i was a teeny bit off key. hey, off key's my middle name. the word "sex" is defined in the biological context, "sexuality" is defined in the psychological context, while "gender" is defined in the socio-cultural context. well, boohoo stupid me.

i'm out.

photos

they say an image is better than a thousand words... i don't know. maybe. to tell you the truth, i'm wracking my brain here; struggling to come out with some decent material to write about. but i don't feel like writing today... so here are your pictures... hope they can somehow tell stories and... this is funny... convey a thousand words.


this is not jazz... not jazz at all.


yes... i simply call them chairs.


cold steel and warm wood.


please, crucify me.


coffee shop pillars.


against my light.


bench... a very sandy bench.


an aged tree stump.


now what the hell is this?!


a serene rice field in dalupirip.


still in dalupirip, an old church.


that's it for now amigos. i'm out.

it's not possible

ok. this much i know. generally, most women (single or married) wants a man who:

1. is good-looking. or may not be good-looking in the true sense of the word, but is hygenically clean and dresses well.
2. is sensitive, thoughtful and caring.
3. is relatively financially well-off.
4. is smart and confident.
5. would understand every woman's moods and mood swings.

sorry to burst your bubbles ladies.. but you can never have this man. i'm not saying he does not exist, because he does. what i'm saying is... you can't have men like these.. because men like these all have boyfriends.

i'm out.

really remembering (a recreated, reprised version)

it's 2:54 am. i couldn't sleep. ok i'm lying... i'm actually doing the laundry. all this talk of not being able to celebrate on the 24th has made me all mushy and sentimental... i sit back, close my eyes, and i remember friends present and past, and how they have contributed to the person that i am today. which is not saying much, considering i don't really add up to anything substantial if you know what i mean (wink, wink).

but i feel the urge to come out with a tribute piece nonetheless. so here it is (drumroll please)... wait, let me set the washer to spin cycle... there we go... ahem-ahem...

tonight, i remember friends, present and past. ok ok i know it's 2:54 in the morning, but it's still dark, and using "tonight" gives it a more dramatic punch, won't you agree? ok wise-ass, i know it's morning but... would you please gimme a break here. i'm cranky and sleepy and cold and not in the mood for... hey! are you trying to quell my poetic license here?! i know it's not a poem but... oh you get what i mean. hush and let me continue.

whew! anyway, as i was saying... ahem-ahem... "tonight" i remember friends present and past...

i remember a friend:

:: who said i'm cute, charming, and overacting all in one sentence.

:: who said that i'm probably the sexiest man in the world because of my personality. but when i asked her, if we take away my personality, what would make me sexy... she didn't answer.

:: who came to our house in the middle of the night, crying, because he ran away from home and had nowhere else to go.

:: who once confessed that on ocassion, he locks himself alone in his room wearing only his underwear and a pair of boots, puts baby oil all over his body, stands in front of the mirror, and pretends he's a professional wrestler.

:: who i wrote loveletters for to give to this girl who he never really had a chance to begin with.

:: who is so reserved and quiet but pounds drumskins with such fierce and violence that can rival the ferocity of any NFL team put together.

:: who said that i was satan's abandoned son. he then recanted his statement a week later and said that i was satan's aborted son made flesh. great.

:: who admitted that everyday in his life he only works for one thing... his father's approval.

:: who admitted that, at 26, he's already an alcoholic and added that jason mraz is god.

:: who once said that i was the perfect mix of brains and humor... but also said that i had worst possible combination of body fat and mass. she just had to say that.

:: who i spoke with for four hours over the phone because she was drunk and needed somebody to talk to.

:: who says "yeah baby" all the time in the worst possible austin powers accent.

:: who acknowleged that i had a great soul.. but i was going to hell the day i die anyway.

:: who said that i won't live to see 40.

:: who i proposed marriage to and said no. only to say later that she was just trying to see if i was sincere in my proposal. yeah, thanks for making me cry all night.

:: who, at 20, i had the honor of educating what a clitoris is. the friend is a she.

:: who said "everything's gonna be fine, man... here have a joint."

:: who said my choice of music was crass and uneducated.

:: who seeked my advice following the pregnancy of his other girlfriend.

:: who said it wouldn't work out.

:: who always said "rak en roll lang pare!" with so much gusto!

:: who said i should resign because i'm too good for my job.

:: who unconditionally laughs at my jokes.

:: who said that we are both geniuses... but are bound to be crazy because it's our curse.

:: who i had the pleasure of having coffee and cigarrettes with when nobody else wanted to.

:: who said i was getting into her nerves.

:: who said i'm like a virus, a very contagious and infectious virus.

:: who said that i was the group's voice of reason.

:: who said that i was high maintenance.

:: who said "ang gaan mong dalhin." and spent the rest of the day explaining that his remarks should NOT be taken in the literal context.

:: who i frequently discussed agnosticism and existentialism with.

:: who i am playing 20 questions with. and who has the weirdest laugh (wehehehe) that somehow transcends space and time.

:: who said that i'll never amount to anything.

:: who said that my fingers were too fat for the guitar.

:: who said that my condition may be considered not just a phase in a normal human being's existence, but a phase in the overall evolutionary process. my existence today, he said, could very well be a glimpse of the future lifestyle of humankind. what a load of baloney!

:: who said "ang cool mo pare... ang cool mo talaga!!!" (ok. i made that one up)

to all of you guys... thank you very much for being with me through thick and.. well.. thick ('cause y'all know i've never been thin). hope you're enjoying the ride so far. i know i am.

i will never forget.

i'm out.

not again

oh shit! the date was 11.14.04. it was 2:54 in the morning and i couldn't sleep. i just completed writing a decent blog... nay... a sentimental heartfelt blog about friendship. then... boom! it happened again. the blog disappeared in thin air. bullshit! i'll try to re-create that blog as best i as can. but of course you don't expect me to just roll over and take this shit sitting down so... i have this to say... "fuck blogger.com. i know i'm not paying for this shit, but you have lost at least five blogs of mine. so let's just call it even then. still, that doesn't stop me from giving you the finger."

i'm out.

no birthday

i feel bitter-sweet.

early this day i got word (from head office that is) that i would be in another part of the country from the 24th to the 27th of this month. yes, i won't be home on those dates . to those of you who know me, you know that this means disaster. for the first time in almost 25 years of existence, i won't be celebrating my birthday here in bagiuo city... please note that the operative word here is "celebrating" and not "birthday."

to my friends who said they have made arrangements to take time off from work (or from whatever the hell they are doing) just to be with me on the 24th, please take this as an advance apology. though there might be a slim chance to hold a party on the 21st. i'll try to move the party on the 21st just have the opportunity to down numerous bottles of beer with you, but... as i said... it'll be slim.

dang!

i can't imagine i won't be having beer on my birthday for the first time in almost 25 years. ok, i know what you're thinking. you're thinking "... but israel couldn't possibly be drinking beer on his birthdays when he was kid!" you're right, you're right, i wasn't.... or was i? nah... i'm just messing with you... of course i did!

now why is this such a big thing to me? well, it's because my birthday (excluding my wedding anniversary, my wife's wedding, and the birthdays of my two kids) is my most much-awaited event of every year. it's a time when i get together with my buddies. it's a time when i can reflect on my life and what has happened so far (yeah right... as if i do reflect on things). and a time to know that i am a year nearer to my grave.

screw christmas! my birthdays have always been, and always will be, a blast! it's the main event of every year! it has more fireworks than the fourth of july (kidding)!

but i won't be here on the 24th... i'll be in bohol. for most people, that'll be sweet. for me, it's bitter-sweet.

i'm out.

things you wish you could say to your boss... part 2

this came from geoff, a friend of mine working at one of the country's leading banks. which bank? not gonna tell, but trust me, it's one of 'em bigger banks. geoff would like to add to the list "things you wish you could say to your boss....," a blog posted last november 5. this is what he has to say:

just an addtional entry to your blog baby:
21. if you think its that easy, why don't you go do the work yourself.
22. that's not in my job description.
23. i should be the one seated there coz i do all your dirty shit.

ignore the "baby" comment... geoff has this penchant for referring to anyone and anything as baby. christine (geoff's girl) ... you need not worry, we're not gay.

appreciate the material bro.

i'm out.

first day

back to school.. that's what i'm particularly busy at nowadays. ok that was an exaggeration... yesterday's only my first day in class. my subjects? taking up two... production management and gender and management. yesterday's class was gender and management. nice huh?

well my professor, she likes to go by the name caster, practically spent all three hours of the class orienting us about the subject, what to expect, her methodologies, the class schedule, and how it's ok to have coffee during class. cool lady i tell you.

anyway, the basic principle she stressed last night was about us developing and improving our gender lenses... to see the world in a more gender-sensitive manner. but more on that later.

anyway, i had the most perfect way start off my semester.. i was 33 minutes late for my class. made a grand entrance while everyone was seated and settled, listening to caster of course. as penalty, i was the first one to introduce myself to the group. i was thinking.. c'mon.. get real.. what is this, kindergarten??!!! it was all cool though. the weirdest response i got after my introduction... someone asked if i was married.

oh well, going back to my self introduction.. y'know i just had to make an impact.. so.. i flat-out told the class that i believe there is no such thing as gender equality, and i don't know if taking this class can either prove or disprove this belief of mine. of course i said it just to create a stir up... and believe me guys, that really got them going. every introduction that came after me had their own personal statement in it.. things like:
:: i believe in women empowerment,
:: the philippines has long oppressed women's rights and welfare,
:: we are all victims of a patriarchal culture,
:: women can no longer accept double standards in society

ladies and gentlemen, i believe we have a long, tumultuous semester before us. but as proof that i am open minded, and i have learned some things last night from caster and from some of my classmates... from now on.. i will call gene hackman... gene hackperson. hey, i'm trying to develop my gender lenses here.

i'm out.

oops

oops... i just blogged all over my shirt.

apologia

"i'm sorry if you were offended" really means

"i'm sorry you were too stupid to misunderstand me."

another lesson in rhetoric from your friend... paningit

i'm out.

parallels

this will be our first time to see each other. and no words can describe what i'm feeling right now. finally, after all those years of writing to each other... all those years... she's finally here.

i wonder what she's like. i know she's beautiful. i'm sure of that. i see it in her writing. i remember the moment she said those words... "i feel like your words have hands, they touch my soul in ways it has never been touched.." i fell in love with her.

right now, i am taking a shower like my life depended on it. i'll make use of the whole 10 minutes. i want to look my best for this. i'll make sure my ears are clean; the back of my ears thoroughly rinsed; my finger nails appropriately cut; no hair pointing at the wrong direction. i'll make sure i'll look my best for her.

but i have to put on this orange suit. hmmm.. she doesn't mind. i guess. well she knows i've been in here quite some time. she also knows that she's the only reason why i wake up happy in this place... funny... i found love in hell.

matt's coming. i can hear his nightstick clanging the cold steel. he's whistling. i know he's happy for me. why won't he be? he's my best friend. ever since this started, he's been the witness of my love for ...

"she's here, man."

"whoa!"

"looking sharp, david.. looking sharp indeed."

"do you think she'll like me, matt?"

"hey, don't be silly. besides, what's not to like?"

"my grotesque figure for starters."

"look...you two have been at this for ages man... and this is the time that you've been waiting for. just walk up to her and enjoy. c'mon man."

"i don't know matt... i'm so nervous. i can't keep my hands from shaking... look."

"dude, she's here. that's what's important right? so don't blow it."

"is she alone?"

"she's with her kid. the 6-year old... jeff, his name is jeff right?... look, if it'll make you feel better, i'll walk with you down the hall... ok?"

"thanks matt."

funny... i found friendship in hell.

as matt was walking me down the hall, into a dimly lit room where hope and happiness seem to abound, i saw her for the first time. i tried very hard not to be overwhelmed by the situation. i was holding back. so this is how it feels.

"hello."

"hi."

"i'll leave you two alone. david, you got 30 minutes, make it count buddy."

"thanks matt."

silence.

"that was my friend, matt. the one i wrote about, remember?"

"oh."

she wasn't moving. it's like she wasn't even breathing. her eyes were just fixed at the floor. she wasn't looking at me, but i feel her eyes peering through my soul; examining every inch of it. the silence was deafening... maddening... and uncomfortable.

"so how was your trip?"

"fine."

silence.

"is this jeff? oh my, he's a grown man. hey buddy, how are you?... looks like you've done a good job with him."

"thanks."

silence.

"i can see you're not very... shall i say... comfortable with this..."

"no, i'm fine.... it's just that..."

"what?"

"nothing."

"no what, really... please tell me... i think i deserve that much."

"i don't think this will work out..."

"what? this?... you know i never kept this a secret from you.."

"yeah.. i know..."

"can we please just talk... i mean.. i really want to talk to you... you drove 250 kilometers with your son, at least let me make it worth your trip... let's just talk ok... let's talk like we were writing letters to each other."

"i can't do that."

"why?"

silence. deafening silence.

it was like i was talking to a different person. she wasn't the happy, spontaneous, funny person i knew from her letters. she's different. and i know something was wrong.

"why? why can't you do that? why can't we just laugh and talk about things like what we did in our letters for the past two years? i'm here now. it's me, david. look. please look at me."

she momentarily glanced. and i saw in her eyes that there was pain... much pain in her. still she did not speak.

"hey, midge... please... i'm here now."

"i can't do this. i'm sorry... we have to go. c'mon jeff.. say goodbye to david."

"bye david."

i couldn't speak. i was stunned. and just like that, she stood up, turned away, and walked out of the door... walked out the room where hope and happiness once abound... walked out of my heart where hope and happiness once abound. she didn't look back. i looked at the clock.. and only 10 minutes passed by...

"david... what happened?"

it was matt.

"i don't know... if it's ok with you, i'd like to be alone in my room now..."

"sure buddy."

it was morning. i woke up with the warm rays of the sun in my face... my heart was cold though. i couldn't get up. i don't want to get up. suddenly i heard matt...

"david... a letter for you. it's from midge. she dropped it off a while ago."

"where is she?"

"they left."

i opened the letter and started reading it.

i stopped for a while, then i started looking at the bars of my cell. those parallel bars... they never meet. like midge and i, we will never meet.

but somewhere... in a parallel world.. i feel that we're together. i close my eyes and have a glimpse of that parallel world. i see a house, with a lovely yard. we have two kids. we both work. we both love each other. we go out on weekends and go to her favorite mexican place and eat burritos. we go on long walks. we read books together. we talk.

then i open my eyes and see the parallel bars of my cell. the bars that never meet, like us, we will never meet.

we are parallels.

that is the reality that i have to contend with. but who knows... maybe in another lifetime... when we are both cats.

for now, i got a hold of my pen and my pad... and i'm writing her a reply.

say i am the president of this country

stay with me for a moment here will you.

say i'm the president of this country for just today. yes, just today, november 6. i would've done absolutely nothing but pass a (yes just one!) presidential decree. nope, not a republic act, as i plan to put the whole nation under martial rule... hey, only for one day... jesus give me a break will you?! i said stay with me on this! jesus christ! you just can't get rid of that fucking militant-activist mentality of yours can you?

anyway, as i was saying before i was rudely interrupted by my alter-ego, i would've passed just one presidential decree... that is PD No. 4569882 of 2004. what's it all about? it's an official non-working, all-drinking holiday to be observed strictly every november 6.

so here it goes:

"by the power vested in me as president of this pathetic excuse for a nation called the philippines, i hereby order PD No. 4569882 of 2004, also known as the 'piss off israel buenaobra day,' a national non-working, all-drinking holiday. immediate compliance with this order is directed!"

so it's official everyone... november 6 is "piss off israel buenaobra day." what to do on this day. oh nothing. you just have to get a hold of israel buenaobra (either by phone, mail, in person, or whatever) and piss him off as best as you can. and oh... don't forget to drink alcohol afterwards.

***
flashback: what happened during the day.
> power interruption; the whole city; the whole day .... fuck beneco!!!
> no dsl connection the whole day... fuck pldt!!!
> tried to focus on work; but just couldn't ... fuck writer's block!!!
> didn't have lunch until 6p.m. ... fuck work!!!
> finally got a hold of a computer; logged in blogger.com; wrote a decent blog; about to post the blog; blog suddenly disappeared without a trace... fuck blogger.com!!!
> tried as much as possible to recreate original blog; power suddenly fluctuates; computer shuts down... fuck beneco again!!!
> went to favorite bar to grab a bottle of strong ice; they ran out of strong ice... fuck dencio's!!!!
> ordered redhorse instead; they also ran out of redhorse... fuck dencio's again!!!

***
now you know. so if ever i become president, and i had one of those days again... be afraid.. be very afraid.

i'm out.

things you wish you could say to your boss...

ever had that feeling everytime your boss gets done giving you instructions, you'd want to reply with a witty or even a smart-ass remark... just for kicks. but of course you know better (any uncalled quip that comes out from that facial blowhole of yours can either get you fired or get you.. well.. fired), so most often than not you just give a nod as a sign of approval to whatever he just said (even though you don't have the slightest clue of what it meant). well, here are some samples that the little voice in my head kept urging me to just.. "say it, say it, say it bad boy:"

1. "... well, if you need me, i'll be at the bar."
2. "... you want fries with that?"
3. "screw the deadline! i say let's party!!!"
4. "enough of this corporate mambo-jumbo bullshit!!!"
5. "no sir, i will not give you a lap dance."
6. "so how many blowjobs did you have to give just to get to that position?"
7. "yes my fingernails are clean!"
8. "i was wondering if you could go get me a pina colada... and don't forget to put in my glass one of them little umbrellas too."
9. "hmmm... strong words.. strong words indeed."
10. "have you seen the movie fight club?"
11. "ok step back.. you're invading my space here! of course you are, i can smell what you had for breakfast!"
12. "are you really my boss, or are you an alien from outerspace?"
13. "boy, that'll be the day!"
14. "shoo!"
15. "can't you see i'm trying to work here... yes, coffee drinking is serious work."
16. "am i getting paid for this?"
17. "i'd prefer you address me as don lino."
18. "hello... human being here... yes, a true living organism... with feelings... over here.. thank you."
19. "how 'bout i say you scratch my back, i'll scratch yours.. hmmm."
20. "AMEN! amen to that brother!"

i'm out.

quote for the day

our quote for the day comes from... me! now i know, i know... that's how lean the research operations are at the paningit lab these days - no sensational quotes from any sensational personality out there. and believe me, i wouldn't want to get my hands dirty by discussing u.s. politics.

oh yeah.. the quote... right... met up with pareng geoff last night, and we were contemplating to have either a mug of mocha or a mug of beer... then i said... ahem, ahem (drum roll please...):

"man, fuck the doctors, let's go grab a beer!!!!"

(insert canned applause and cheers here)

yes, that was it. well, if you don't like it, then you can just @#$!@!!$#$@%!@#*&^#!!! yourself!

i'm out.

psychedelic hearts

your disease, my pain
your cure, my gain
we are one with them

your escape, my imagination
your dreams, my illusion
we are one with them

the pill i will take
your pain i will make
them go away
like clouds blown through vanilla skies

we will feel lucid and free
like kindred souls
roaming the expanse of uncertainty

we will feel the acquiescence of euphoria
like psychedelic hearts
searching for answers to questions unknown

pb republic

no. the "pb" doesn't stand for "pugad-baboy" (very witty though, i have to give you credit). "pb" stands for paintball. officemates and i were at the paintball republic (camp johnhay) yesterday for a teambuilding session.. and what a fun game it was.

i was the captain of the ... dig this.. PINK team. ain't that great? yeah, and my teammates were jai rodriguez, thom filicia, carson kresley, ted allen, and kyan douglas. sounds familiar eh? whadda y' expect.. our team color was screaming gay all over the place.

anyway, going back to paintball.. we were divided into 4 groups of ten. the winner from each pair moves on to play in the championship round. we won our first round match against team WHITE... and advanced to meet team PEACH (who the heck picked these colors anyway?!) in the finals. we lost.

why? i knew you'd ask that.

i was taken out by one of our accountants.. gina. yeah yeah. gina's a girl. she got me at my left leg. darn it! it hurt like hell i tell you!!!. i hate ACCOUNTANTS!!! *calm down, calm down... now breathe, breathe... 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... now the anger is gone* ok i'm cool. i'm cool with what happened.

no point discussing what the winning team got... ok, they'll be going to ilocos ok... plus they each got mugs and shirts ok... happy now??!! the shirts were too small for me anyway... (*bitter*)

i'm out.

the nba season is here

good day sports fans! and welcome to the nba new year. lots of changes happened in the off-season, which makes this year, pretty much the most exciting one, especially for people born 1975 onwards.

my predictions:

rookie of the year: dwight howard of the magic
most improved: gerald wallace of the bobcats
defensive player: big ben wallace of the pistons
mvp: kobe bryant of the lakers (who else?)

the champs: the lakers!

ain't it obvious? i'm a fan. so if you're not down with the lakers, then, shoo!

i'm out.